My plan vs His plan

"The entire world is a narrow bridge. But the main thing is not to fear." Rabbi Nachman of Uman

Lately I analyse a lot my reactions when facing fear. I am not always thrilled by what I discover, but I least I discovered something constant in me- when bad news come I run to God for dear life. I don't try to help myself or ask myself why, I just run to God. I love to read Genesis, because I read it so many times that for me it became a book hidden in a book hidden in another book. No other book shows God's "social skills" more than Genesis. It shows the way He comes to people, the way He interacts, the way He speaks, thinks, acts in His relationships. One of my "moments" in Genesis is when Jacob tries to go back to his country after serving Laban, his father-in-law for 14 years. He's on the road and tries to send messengers to Esau to announce his coming. It's just that the messengers return with not very good news: "When the messengers returned to Jacob, they said, "We went to your brother Esau, and now he is coming to meet you, and four hundred men are with him." (Genesis 32:6)

Jacob was afraid of Esau. He knew he deceived his brother, and he knew Esau had reasons to kill him. He knew he did not deal justly, and perhaps he thought in his heart that God being a Just God, will hand him over to Esau for what he did: "Jacob was terrified at the news." (Genesis 32:7)

Jacob's first reaction- complete panic. If it would've been only him, perhaps he would have stayed put to receive whatever was coming from Esau. But there were his wives and children, the ones God promised and gave to him. He had to do something: "Jacob divided the people who were with him into two groups, and the flocks and herds and camels as well. He thought, "If Esau comes and attacks one group, the group that is left may escape." (Genesis 32:7b-8)

When faced with fear, Jacob's best strategy is running. Or at least this is his first reaction. However, Jacob had over 20 years of seeing the God of Abraham at work, he knew the One that "Issac feared and revered" So he adopts plan B: "Drop the panic, pull yourself together and go to God":
"Then Jacob prayed, "O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, O LORD, who said to me, 'Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper,' I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two groups. Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. But you have said, 'I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.' " (Genesis 32:9-12)

This prayer is amazing and I didn't see this the first time I read it. It's another clear example of how you end up terrified in front of God and just by speaking to Him you gain another perspective. It's not the fact that God doesn't know it already, but when you tell Him, you voice your fear and you face it, and when you face your fear, that's the end of it. What's Jacob doing with this prayer:

• he remembers Who God is
• he remembers he did not come this far on his own, but guided by God
• he remembers all of God's faithfulness in the past
• he remembers God's promise
• he asks for help in light of ll of the above

That's what happens to us when we go before Him all panicky- we remember. Because fear and panic are emotional reactions designed to make us forget. If you can't remember, you can't trust. If you can't trust, you won't approach God. And if you don't approach God there is no help for you. Simple, but it's scary how many of us and how often fall for it. This is what annoys me so much. Hell don't even have to be very creative or try very hard to kick us in the teeth. It's enough for us not to know or not to remember our God and we are target practice for them.
So Jacob, goes before God, all desperate and he stands up from God's presence with a completely different strategy. He stops running and faces his fear. Bat Melech makes me laugh because she has this saying: "If there is a hard way, God will take you on it, just to teach you." God could have made Esau turn back and leave Jacob alone, but He wanted Jacob to be free from fear and become a man of character. "You ran from him in the past, son. Now stay put and face him, cuz you're not going anywhere." Jacob stops running and sends his servants with gifts to Esau: "And be sure to say, 'Your servant Jacob is coming behind us.' " For he thought, "I will pacify him with these gifts I am sending on ahead; later, when I see him, perhaps he will receive me." (Genesis 32:20)
The next paragraph is one I did not understand for a long time. God comes down and has a fight, man to man with Jacob. What's that all about? But what I discovered in this battle scene are precious lessons for my heart:

• When problems come, behind them there are always blessings far greater than I can comprehend at first glance. Jacob thought God's plan was to bring him home. God's plan was to change his name to Israel and make him a great nation that will forever be named with Jacob's name, to change his destiny and bless him face to face. When God speaks, many times He uses a practical image to explain the message, so that we could associate the message with something and remember. If God changed Jacob's name to "he who struggles with God", He came down and struggled with Jacob, so that those who came after Jacob would never forget.
• The problem I face right now might be the last barrier to the next chapter of my life. When David's family was kidnapped at Ziklag (1 Samuel 30), whilst sobbing his heart out, there was no way for David to know that this was it- after this horrible pain, God's promise will come true, he will become king over all the tribes of Israel.
• In the midst of my problem He is always there with me close enough to grab and hold on tight: "Jacob said, "Please tell me your name." But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there. So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared." (Genesis 32:29-30) I love the way God asks Jacob "Why do you ask My name?" In other words "Jacob, don't you recognise Me?" And then Jacob calls the place Peniel- face of God, because he realises who changed his name.

Someone described FEAR as False Evidence Appearing Real- FEAR. It's true, it seems very real because you feel it, from the taste in your mouth, the butterflies in your stomach, the fast beating of your heart to your shaking hands, you feel it all over. But that doesn't mean it's as bad as it wishes to portrait itself. I think it will take me all my life to learn this, but nothing is ever as good or as bad as it seems in this world. It's meant to manipulate us, it is designed against us and it will do everything to control us. The less you wallow in it and face it, the less it will have power over you (I'm talking to myself right now).
Fear will mess up our minds and emotions and distort the image of God's plan in your life. It will make you think God is actually working against you rather than for you, but that's rubbish. The other day being low, I described the picture of my life as I see it laying before me, to Bat Melech. In her typical style (I'm still laughing), she told me: "Are you freaking kidding me? That's God's plan for your life? Hello! God is famous for His perfect plans." It might sound funny, but I got her point. There is no way for us to know what He's doing, and just because fear is playing with our minds and emotions we should not fall for it's rubbish. It's far better to run to God and grab His hand as shaky as you might feel, than to sit there afraid, panicky and doubting. You will only look like a fool when you actually get to have a look at God's real plan not the one your mind messed up by fear designed.

Kol ha-olam kulo gesher tzar m'od
V'ha-ikar lo l'fached klal.

Translation:

The entire world is a narrow bridge
But the main thing is not to fear

Sorry, I could not resist them:-)