My Defender

I love Psalm 18. It's one of the first Psalms I understood with my heart rather than just with my head. Perhaps because it's so visual. It's almost an action movie in 50 verses. I can even picture the movie. It would start with a desperate man on the run breathing heavily and looking around with a terrified look in his eyes, trying to find refuge. All of the sudden he sees this fortress, realises that's his chance and runs for dear life to find escape and protection. Because he was so focused whilst running he didn't have time to consider how bad things were for him, how afraid he really was, but once he gets in the fortress and the realisation comes upon him, he starts to sob and ask for help. From somewhere in the fortress this man comes. Imposing stature, the kind of man you look at and demands your immediate respect just by being there. The man grabs our terrified hero and makes him stand on his feet. They talk a lot and our hero realises this man from wherever he came is the answer to his sobbing pleas. Then the training programme begins, where our hero learns to run mountains, fire arrows and handle a shield in order to protect himself. He then steps out of the fortress, faces whatever chased him and he doesn't return until they all lie flat on the ground. My movie ends with our hero standing on top of this rock looking in the distance understanding now who he is and that whatever might come along in the future he'll face it because of what he learnt in the fortress.

When David was on the run from king Saul, that's how his relationship with God was and this is reflected in many Psalms, but none as vivid as Psalm 18. In my previous article I was telling you how Christians compare pain with God as walking through a storm, how it might be unpleasant and intimidating, but you know all along that you can make it that the storm does not have the power to stop you. That is very true, but until you get to that realisation, there are many many trips through the storm where instead of facing the storm and walking through it, you become so terrified, confused and fed up that you give into the temptation which rings at the back of your head all through the trip:"Just crawl up and hide under that rock, stop trying. Are you stupid, can't you see the whether conditions around you?" So you just hide and crawl up and hold yourself tight until somehow the storm passes. It is very important what you tell yourself when facing the storm. This is what David used to tell himself:
"I love you, Lord; you are my strength.The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety." Psalm 18:1-2
Then he carries on describing how danger surrounded him and he was convinced he would die, but he called upon his God and God came. But He didn't just come, He came as a mighty warrior raging "Who dares to touch, my David?" I love how David describes the way God came to him: "He parted the heavens and came down... he soared on the wings of the wind. He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters." (Psalm 18:9a, 10b, 16) You can't help but ask, what was he feeling when he felt God coming to him, to make him use this pictures? Many times, when I call on Him and He comes to me, I feel like a bullied child who just found out his dad came to sort out the bully. Your confidence in Him grows, because of it and you find yourself thinking: "You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall." (Psalm 18:28-29) He changes you from a terrified man on the run into a man standing ready to face whatever was chasing you before.

The other day I was reading through the articles I wrote so far. I had the feeling (maybe it was just me), that I sound as if I already learnt all this and now I am just "imparting my knowledge":-) Far from it! If you could only see me some days...This is what I am learning now. It's not something I already mastered and now I am riding the wave of my faith untouched by all this. All these are things I am telling myself many times whilst I might not yet feel them, because I am convinced it's got nothing to do with feelings and all to do with what I believe. Does that make me an unstable Christian? If that's how you choose to see it, that fine with me. But that's not how I see it. And I am not the only one in this. David was exactly the same. You read Psalm 20 where he says: "Some nations boast of their chariots and horses, but we boast in the name of the Lord our God. Those nations will fall down and collapse, but we will rise up and stand firm." (Psalm 20:7-8) Then in Psalm 22:1, he begins: "My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?Why are you so far away when I groan for help?" And surprise, Psalm 23:1: "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want."
Was David unstable? I mean did this man change his mind about God every other day? No, he was not unstable, he was just real. And he knew the secret of walking with God through hard times. His life was not a picnic. For 15 years he was on the run, living in caves or having to ask his enemies for help. His family was kidnapped and he constantly had to fight in order to stay alive. So David knew the only way to make it is to be real and encourage himself in the Lord. Remind his forgetful heart and mind Who was in charge and Who brought him this far. I am sure he also crawled under a rock and held himself tight whilst begging for help. But he always got out of there. And the quicker he would speak to his heart, the less time he would spend under the rock and learn to stay on the Rock. I think if more of us would try to be real when it's hard, people would not be so ashamed to be who they truly are and show their wounds. This world is full of internal bleedings whilst the owners wear a smile on their faces. They will never show you their pain because that's weakness. And Christians are no exception. If you suffer you must have done something wrong, otherwise you would be happy. Many rush in to quote to you:"The joy of the Lord is my strength" (Nehemiah 8:10b)... Hmmm... "How are you brother? Fine, praise the Lord" Praise Him indeed. But I wonder how many sit there next to you, brother, asking themselves what have they done wrong? Why is it hard for them and easy for you? Is there something wrong with them?
He didn't say I will never suffer, He said I will have peace. I think it takes more strength to make yourself vulnerable than to pretend I have it all figured out. Now if that means I will look like a miserable Christian for a while rather than a happy-clapy one, I can live with that, because I laid all my cards on the table with God and I intend to be as real as if He would be the only One walking with me on this earth.

Emanuela

This is a very special song for me. My sister sent it to me a week before my wedding, because we couldn't be together. It's called Emma's song (Your not alone) and was written by Jason Upton for his daughter, Emma.





Don't be afraid baby don't you cry
Daddy's here it will be all right
You're not alone you're not alone
Don't be afraid when you're cold at night
I will keep you warm I will hold you tight
You're not alone you're not alone

Look beyond the window there
To the sky above to the open air
Look beyond what you can see
Close your eyes and just believe

The lion roars and the lamb lays down
They live together in a whole new town
They're calling me and they're calling you
From the cold hard facts that we're on our own
To the age old truth that we're not alone

Don't be afraid when you scrape your knee
I've got a band aide waiting and a kiss for free
You're not alone you're not alone
Don't be afraid of your blind belief
Because the more you fly the more you'll see
You're not alone you're not alone

Look beyond the window there
To the sky above to the open air
Look beyond what you can see
Close your eyes and just believe

The lion roars and the lamb lays down
They live together in a whole new town
They're calling me and they're calling you
From the cold hard facts that we're on our own
To the age old truth that we're not alone

Don't be afraid little warrior bride
Your victory's on the other side
You're not alone you're not alone