The Pencil

"The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside just before putting it into the box. "There are five things you need to know", He told the pencil, "before I send you out into the world, always remember them and never forget, and you become the best pencil you can be"

1. You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in Someone's hand.
2. You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a better pencil.
3. I will be able to correct mistakes that you make.
4. The most important part of you will always be the inside.
5. On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No matter what the condition, you must continue to write.

The pencil understood, promised to remember and went into the box with a purpose.

Now keep in mind the pencil is like you! Always remember it and never forget, and you will become the best person you can be.

1. You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in God's hand and allow others to access you for the many gifts you possess (yes, you do possess gifts, Emma's note).
2. You will experience painful sharpening from time to time, by going through various problems, but you'll need it to become a stronger person!
3. God will be able to forgive mistakes that you make.
4. The most important part of you will always be what's on the inside, because that part is eternal.
5. Everywhere you go, you must leave your mark! No matter what the situation, you must continue to do your best.

Understand this and remember it, and you will be able to carry on walking on this earth with a meaningful purpose in your heart!" (Author known to God)

Shomer Yisrael- Guardian of Israel

Today is exactly 4 years since Hamas kidnapped Gilad Shalit.

Gilad, this is for you. I have not forgotten.

"All who rage against you
will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
those who oppose you
will be as nothing and perish.

Though you search for your enemies,
you will not find them.
Those who wage war against you
will be as nothing at all.

For I am the LORD, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.

Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob,
O little Israel,
for I myself will help you," declares the LORD,
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel." (Isaiah 41:11-14)



"For the LORD has a day of vengeance,a year of retribution, to uphold Zion's cause." (Isaiah 34:8)



"But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your stead.

Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life." (Isaiah 43:1-4)

Shabbat Shalom, Israel. May you forever dwell in peace in the land your God gave to you. Shabbat Shalom, Gilad and all the captive sons of Israel, may the Guradian of your forefathers watch over you life, your mind and soul. May He grant you freedom and make you justice against your enemies.

Emanuela

My plan vs His plan

"The entire world is a narrow bridge. But the main thing is not to fear." Rabbi Nachman of Uman

Lately I analyse a lot my reactions when facing fear. I am not always thrilled by what I discover, but I least I discovered something constant in me- when bad news come I run to God for dear life. I don't try to help myself or ask myself why, I just run to God. I love to read Genesis, because I read it so many times that for me it became a book hidden in a book hidden in another book. No other book shows God's "social skills" more than Genesis. It shows the way He comes to people, the way He interacts, the way He speaks, thinks, acts in His relationships. One of my "moments" in Genesis is when Jacob tries to go back to his country after serving Laban, his father-in-law for 14 years. He's on the road and tries to send messengers to Esau to announce his coming. It's just that the messengers return with not very good news: "When the messengers returned to Jacob, they said, "We went to your brother Esau, and now he is coming to meet you, and four hundred men are with him." (Genesis 32:6)

Jacob was afraid of Esau. He knew he deceived his brother, and he knew Esau had reasons to kill him. He knew he did not deal justly, and perhaps he thought in his heart that God being a Just God, will hand him over to Esau for what he did: "Jacob was terrified at the news." (Genesis 32:7)

Jacob's first reaction- complete panic. If it would've been only him, perhaps he would have stayed put to receive whatever was coming from Esau. But there were his wives and children, the ones God promised and gave to him. He had to do something: "Jacob divided the people who were with him into two groups, and the flocks and herds and camels as well. He thought, "If Esau comes and attacks one group, the group that is left may escape." (Genesis 32:7b-8)

When faced with fear, Jacob's best strategy is running. Or at least this is his first reaction. However, Jacob had over 20 years of seeing the God of Abraham at work, he knew the One that "Issac feared and revered" So he adopts plan B: "Drop the panic, pull yourself together and go to God":
"Then Jacob prayed, "O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, O LORD, who said to me, 'Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper,' I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two groups. Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. But you have said, 'I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.' " (Genesis 32:9-12)

This prayer is amazing and I didn't see this the first time I read it. It's another clear example of how you end up terrified in front of God and just by speaking to Him you gain another perspective. It's not the fact that God doesn't know it already, but when you tell Him, you voice your fear and you face it, and when you face your fear, that's the end of it. What's Jacob doing with this prayer:

• he remembers Who God is
• he remembers he did not come this far on his own, but guided by God
• he remembers all of God's faithfulness in the past
• he remembers God's promise
• he asks for help in light of ll of the above

That's what happens to us when we go before Him all panicky- we remember. Because fear and panic are emotional reactions designed to make us forget. If you can't remember, you can't trust. If you can't trust, you won't approach God. And if you don't approach God there is no help for you. Simple, but it's scary how many of us and how often fall for it. This is what annoys me so much. Hell don't even have to be very creative or try very hard to kick us in the teeth. It's enough for us not to know or not to remember our God and we are target practice for them.
So Jacob, goes before God, all desperate and he stands up from God's presence with a completely different strategy. He stops running and faces his fear. Bat Melech makes me laugh because she has this saying: "If there is a hard way, God will take you on it, just to teach you." God could have made Esau turn back and leave Jacob alone, but He wanted Jacob to be free from fear and become a man of character. "You ran from him in the past, son. Now stay put and face him, cuz you're not going anywhere." Jacob stops running and sends his servants with gifts to Esau: "And be sure to say, 'Your servant Jacob is coming behind us.' " For he thought, "I will pacify him with these gifts I am sending on ahead; later, when I see him, perhaps he will receive me." (Genesis 32:20)
The next paragraph is one I did not understand for a long time. God comes down and has a fight, man to man with Jacob. What's that all about? But what I discovered in this battle scene are precious lessons for my heart:

• When problems come, behind them there are always blessings far greater than I can comprehend at first glance. Jacob thought God's plan was to bring him home. God's plan was to change his name to Israel and make him a great nation that will forever be named with Jacob's name, to change his destiny and bless him face to face. When God speaks, many times He uses a practical image to explain the message, so that we could associate the message with something and remember. If God changed Jacob's name to "he who struggles with God", He came down and struggled with Jacob, so that those who came after Jacob would never forget.
• The problem I face right now might be the last barrier to the next chapter of my life. When David's family was kidnapped at Ziklag (1 Samuel 30), whilst sobbing his heart out, there was no way for David to know that this was it- after this horrible pain, God's promise will come true, he will become king over all the tribes of Israel.
• In the midst of my problem He is always there with me close enough to grab and hold on tight: "Jacob said, "Please tell me your name." But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there. So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared." (Genesis 32:29-30) I love the way God asks Jacob "Why do you ask My name?" In other words "Jacob, don't you recognise Me?" And then Jacob calls the place Peniel- face of God, because he realises who changed his name.

Someone described FEAR as False Evidence Appearing Real- FEAR. It's true, it seems very real because you feel it, from the taste in your mouth, the butterflies in your stomach, the fast beating of your heart to your shaking hands, you feel it all over. But that doesn't mean it's as bad as it wishes to portrait itself. I think it will take me all my life to learn this, but nothing is ever as good or as bad as it seems in this world. It's meant to manipulate us, it is designed against us and it will do everything to control us. The less you wallow in it and face it, the less it will have power over you (I'm talking to myself right now).
Fear will mess up our minds and emotions and distort the image of God's plan in your life. It will make you think God is actually working against you rather than for you, but that's rubbish. The other day being low, I described the picture of my life as I see it laying before me, to Bat Melech. In her typical style (I'm still laughing), she told me: "Are you freaking kidding me? That's God's plan for your life? Hello! God is famous for His perfect plans." It might sound funny, but I got her point. There is no way for us to know what He's doing, and just because fear is playing with our minds and emotions we should not fall for it's rubbish. It's far better to run to God and grab His hand as shaky as you might feel, than to sit there afraid, panicky and doubting. You will only look like a fool when you actually get to have a look at God's real plan not the one your mind messed up by fear designed.

Kol ha-olam kulo gesher tzar m'od
V'ha-ikar lo l'fached klal.

Translation:

The entire world is a narrow bridge
But the main thing is not to fear

Sorry, I could not resist them:-)

Next sunrise

"The joy really comes in the morning time, and I'm gonna sit back and wait until the next sunrise"

I really love this song and I thought I would share. This is a video made in the memory of all the Israelis killed in the conflict with the Palestinians. Hope you like it.


Peace Yerushalayim - video re-mix of P.O.D.'s Goodbye For Now

כובכס | MySpace Video

My Defender

I love Psalm 18. It's one of the first Psalms I understood with my heart rather than just with my head. Perhaps because it's so visual. It's almost an action movie in 50 verses. I can even picture the movie. It would start with a desperate man on the run breathing heavily and looking around with a terrified look in his eyes, trying to find refuge. All of the sudden he sees this fortress, realises that's his chance and runs for dear life to find escape and protection. Because he was so focused whilst running he didn't have time to consider how bad things were for him, how afraid he really was, but once he gets in the fortress and the realisation comes upon him, he starts to sob and ask for help. From somewhere in the fortress this man comes. Imposing stature, the kind of man you look at and demands your immediate respect just by being there. The man grabs our terrified hero and makes him stand on his feet. They talk a lot and our hero realises this man from wherever he came is the answer to his sobbing pleas. Then the training programme begins, where our hero learns to run mountains, fire arrows and handle a shield in order to protect himself. He then steps out of the fortress, faces whatever chased him and he doesn't return until they all lie flat on the ground. My movie ends with our hero standing on top of this rock looking in the distance understanding now who he is and that whatever might come along in the future he'll face it because of what he learnt in the fortress.

When David was on the run from king Saul, that's how his relationship with God was and this is reflected in many Psalms, but none as vivid as Psalm 18. In my previous article I was telling you how Christians compare pain with God as walking through a storm, how it might be unpleasant and intimidating, but you know all along that you can make it that the storm does not have the power to stop you. That is very true, but until you get to that realisation, there are many many trips through the storm where instead of facing the storm and walking through it, you become so terrified, confused and fed up that you give into the temptation which rings at the back of your head all through the trip:"Just crawl up and hide under that rock, stop trying. Are you stupid, can't you see the whether conditions around you?" So you just hide and crawl up and hold yourself tight until somehow the storm passes. It is very important what you tell yourself when facing the storm. This is what David used to tell himself:
"I love you, Lord; you are my strength.The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety." Psalm 18:1-2
Then he carries on describing how danger surrounded him and he was convinced he would die, but he called upon his God and God came. But He didn't just come, He came as a mighty warrior raging "Who dares to touch, my David?" I love how David describes the way God came to him: "He parted the heavens and came down... he soared on the wings of the wind. He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters." (Psalm 18:9a, 10b, 16) You can't help but ask, what was he feeling when he felt God coming to him, to make him use this pictures? Many times, when I call on Him and He comes to me, I feel like a bullied child who just found out his dad came to sort out the bully. Your confidence in Him grows, because of it and you find yourself thinking: "You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall." (Psalm 18:28-29) He changes you from a terrified man on the run into a man standing ready to face whatever was chasing you before.

The other day I was reading through the articles I wrote so far. I had the feeling (maybe it was just me), that I sound as if I already learnt all this and now I am just "imparting my knowledge":-) Far from it! If you could only see me some days...This is what I am learning now. It's not something I already mastered and now I am riding the wave of my faith untouched by all this. All these are things I am telling myself many times whilst I might not yet feel them, because I am convinced it's got nothing to do with feelings and all to do with what I believe. Does that make me an unstable Christian? If that's how you choose to see it, that fine with me. But that's not how I see it. And I am not the only one in this. David was exactly the same. You read Psalm 20 where he says: "Some nations boast of their chariots and horses, but we boast in the name of the Lord our God. Those nations will fall down and collapse, but we will rise up and stand firm." (Psalm 20:7-8) Then in Psalm 22:1, he begins: "My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?Why are you so far away when I groan for help?" And surprise, Psalm 23:1: "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want."
Was David unstable? I mean did this man change his mind about God every other day? No, he was not unstable, he was just real. And he knew the secret of walking with God through hard times. His life was not a picnic. For 15 years he was on the run, living in caves or having to ask his enemies for help. His family was kidnapped and he constantly had to fight in order to stay alive. So David knew the only way to make it is to be real and encourage himself in the Lord. Remind his forgetful heart and mind Who was in charge and Who brought him this far. I am sure he also crawled under a rock and held himself tight whilst begging for help. But he always got out of there. And the quicker he would speak to his heart, the less time he would spend under the rock and learn to stay on the Rock. I think if more of us would try to be real when it's hard, people would not be so ashamed to be who they truly are and show their wounds. This world is full of internal bleedings whilst the owners wear a smile on their faces. They will never show you their pain because that's weakness. And Christians are no exception. If you suffer you must have done something wrong, otherwise you would be happy. Many rush in to quote to you:"The joy of the Lord is my strength" (Nehemiah 8:10b)... Hmmm... "How are you brother? Fine, praise the Lord" Praise Him indeed. But I wonder how many sit there next to you, brother, asking themselves what have they done wrong? Why is it hard for them and easy for you? Is there something wrong with them?
He didn't say I will never suffer, He said I will have peace. I think it takes more strength to make yourself vulnerable than to pretend I have it all figured out. Now if that means I will look like a miserable Christian for a while rather than a happy-clapy one, I can live with that, because I laid all my cards on the table with God and I intend to be as real as if He would be the only One walking with me on this earth.

Emanuela

This is a very special song for me. My sister sent it to me a week before my wedding, because we couldn't be together. It's called Emma's song (Your not alone) and was written by Jason Upton for his daughter, Emma.





Don't be afraid baby don't you cry
Daddy's here it will be all right
You're not alone you're not alone
Don't be afraid when you're cold at night
I will keep you warm I will hold you tight
You're not alone you're not alone

Look beyond the window there
To the sky above to the open air
Look beyond what you can see
Close your eyes and just believe

The lion roars and the lamb lays down
They live together in a whole new town
They're calling me and they're calling you
From the cold hard facts that we're on our own
To the age old truth that we're not alone

Don't be afraid when you scrape your knee
I've got a band aide waiting and a kiss for free
You're not alone you're not alone
Don't be afraid of your blind belief
Because the more you fly the more you'll see
You're not alone you're not alone

Look beyond the window there
To the sky above to the open air
Look beyond what you can see
Close your eyes and just believe

The lion roars and the lamb lays down
They live together in a whole new town
They're calling me and they're calling you
From the cold hard facts that we're on our own
To the age old truth that we're not alone

Don't be afraid little warrior bride
Your victory's on the other side
You're not alone you're not alone

A new song

"But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely, O LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield." Psalm 5:11-12

"I will be filled with joy because of you. I will sing praises to your name, O Most High." (Psalm 9:2)

"...A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance...Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. " (Ecclesiastes 3:4a, 11)

Bob Gass once wrote that as a Christian you will always have crisis in your life, that you are either coming out of one, are in one or you're on your way to one. He said it can't be helped whilst we are here, because the same wind that blew in our backs on our way to hell, blows now in our faces on our way to heaven. I agree one hundred percent, but this is just one side of the story. These last few days, I told you many things about the pains and frustrations of a Christian, what it means to live in a foreign land, which is what this earth is for most of us (Philippians 3:20). And it's true, there are many such pains and frustrations. C S Lewis said: "If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary, than of course I'll feel nude when to, where I'm destined I'm compared."
But life with God is more than just pain and frustration, if it would be only this, I don't know how long we would last. You know how you wake up one morning after being sick for days and you feel well again, that relief that comes over you? That's just a small comparison to how His hope and joy comes over you after a hard day. You wake up the next morning and you find yourself smiling, and it's all because of Him. You know it, because if it would be up to you you would not even get out of bed. Life with God is full of many small joys, things that I never used to notice and now bring a smile on my face and make me feel Him near. I never liked flowers. I always said "I am a practical girl, if you want to make me happy buy me a perfume or make-up". I still don't like to pay for flowers, but I love to look at them where they are in the wild, and ask myself why did He make them that way? Does He like green, or purple or blue? He must, otherwise why would He use it so much. I love to spot a butterfly and follow it all the way until it flies in the distance. I love to stare at the sun (don't tell my brother-in-law, he's my optician and he won't be impressed with me ruining my eyes). I once heard one of God's witnesses tell his story. His name is, Ian McCormack, and he was in clinical death for something close to half an hour. What's scarier is that it's all medically documented and nobody can explain how this man is still functioning. His was declared at the time, the most profound near death experience ever documented. He came out of it and he can't stop talking about God, whereby before he used to be a crazy surfer

http://www.google.co.uk/#q=ian+mccormack+near+death+experience&hl=en&prmd=v&source=univ&tbs=vid:1&tbo=u&ei=WuwdTKGrAo7u0gTxieS1DQ&sa=X&oi=video_result_group&ct=title&resnum=4&ved=0CDIQqwQwAw&fp=be8fd41e0a386f13

Anyway, in his story, Ian was said something that's stuck with me since I heard it. He was trying to explain how God looks like. He said it feels as if you would look at the sun except your eyes don't hurt. So ever since I heard this, I try to stare at the sun and imagine how it feels like to look at my Beloved. I've been through many things that broke my heart along this journey, some things I thought I will never get over. I know how pain feels like with and without God. One of the reasons I follow Him, is because pain with God is never hopeless. I never knew hopelessness since I met Him. Christians compare pain with God like walking through a storm. It's true. The wind blows, cold drops of rain seems to slash your skin and there are scarry thunders and lightnings everywhere around you, but deep inside, you know you can walk through the storm. It's not pleasant but the storm doesn't have the power to stop you from walking through it. And then you get to other side of it and realise "Hey, I couldn't do that before! I've made it." And the joy and happiness are so great you feel like laughing and dancing and singing a new song. I said this before, all my life I was a coward running from pain. I numbed it with anything I could grab. Pain is still not my friend, but we learnt to live with each other. We almost give each other a smile like two adversaries determined they will be the one winning: "Go on then, show me your worst:-)"

Today, I'll let my heart sing to Him a new song. I'll look into the sun and give Him my best smile because in my storms, He is always my Rock and in my joys He is always my Smile.

"Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God— soon I'll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He's my God." (Psalm 43:5, The Message)

"But all who are hunting for you— oh, let them sing and be happy. Let those who know what you're all about tell the world you're great and not quitting. " (Psalm 40:16, The Message)

Basic instructions before leaving earth

I re-discovered this song after many years. I think these guys are great and I thought I'll share.



Basic Instructions before leaving earth . . .

For God so much loved the world,
That He gave His one and only Son.
That whoever believeth in Him
Shall not die but live on.

Living on . . .
Through the Son
Peace almighty
Living on,
Let your heart go
To the one.

Yes the road is narrow.
Yes the road is tough.
But whoever remaineth in Him
Shall not die, but live on.

Basic Instructions before leaving earth.

Dilemmas of a Christian girl

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD" Jeremiah 29:13-14

In my article "Bat Melech-Daughter of the King", I was telling you how I can talk to Bat Melech for hours about what Adonai is doing in us and the way we see things around us.

I had a similar conversation with her last night. Amongst other things I was asking her why can't I be a normal Christian girl, why do I have to ask myself all these questions and be obsessed with finding out. Why can't I just go to church, read my Bible and have fellowship with my brothers like everybody else?..."What's wrong with me, Chris? Why can't I be like the rest?" She asked me: "Do you really want to be like the rest, Emma? Is that all you want? To be accepted? From everything you ever read in the Bible show me one man or woman who walked with God and did not end up alone because they were not like the rest?" I couldn't. I know it's true. If you choose to walk on this road, there will always be pain. It's something every seeker goes through. Solomon, the wisest man that ever lived said: "For with much wisdom comes much sorrow;the more knowledge, the more grief." (Ecclesiastes 1:18)

But I want to know Him. That's all I want in this life. More than being accepted, more than being happy, more than belonging to a nice congregation or be a famous or have things. Above all this I want to know Him and only Him. The problem is nowdays, just God doesn't seem to be enough. It's God plus programmes, God plus show, God plus miracles and wonders. He just doesn't seem to be enough for us anymore. And it breaks me. At first I was furious, than I turned rebellious, now I'm only sad.

Why these reactions? Because He said "Seek Me and you will find Me." He didn't say "Seek Me and you will find miracles and wanders. Seek Me and I'll show you all that I can do. " He just said "Seek Me".
Yesterday, I saw on a pastor's Facebook wall who's meditations I read with great joy: "Christians do not read their Bibles anymore. Any thoughts what I might suggest to improve this?" Over 400 Christians replied, some saying:change your translation, write down things...all very good ideas. But my feeling whilst reading this was that we're trying to heal a broken nail when the hand doesn't work properly. The fact that Christians don't read the Bible is just a result of something far worse. They're simply not that interested anymore, or they are discouraged and apathetic. If all you hear is "pray hard, believe with all your heart, wait on the Lord and you will see great miracles and signs", you begin with all your heart expecting the miracles you keep hearing about from the pulpit, but when they hardly ever come, then what?
Why doesn't God perform great miracles anymore? Because He wasn't loved any more than He is right now when He was doing them. Start with Israel at the bottom of the mountain that was shaking with His presence and finish with Yeashua's death. The disciples were walking around healing people, but each of of them was killed. Seems to me this signs and miracles card did not work to well in our history. Why then are we so obssessed with this now? I hear more and more often these days "I want to see the Glory of God!" That's fantastic! Me, too. But what do you want to see? "I want to see Him doing something amazing. I want Him to shake my nation. I want the whole world to see my God." I want that as well. But then I looked inside myself and I asked "Why, Emma, why do you want to see Him doing all this? Be honest, how much is it because you care about those who don't know Him and how much is it because you want to be proud of Him. Something like: "Check out my God"?

When I found the answer to these nagging questions, I began down this route which involves a lot of pain and a great deal of frustration. He came endured all He did for me, never gave up and now He is not enough? I want to see something in order to believe?
If I am the only one who thinks like this, so be it. This is not the first time I make myself vulnerable, and I truly don't care how people see me. But if there is one more person out there thinking the same way, maybe you want to find some answers to your questions as well.

Why can't we just be proud of who He is right now when He changes people, when He mends broken hearts and gives people a fresh start, without trying to add on to what He is in order to try to convince people. Apostle Paul preached Christ and Him crucified (1 Corinthians 2:2) Period. He turn a whole world upside down by preaching Christ. Why are we coming up with programmes, shows, nice buildings, flashy evangelists...What's this all about? And please don't tell me "The times have changed, Emma. The message has to be relevant to this generation." Really? What else does someone who lost all hope need to hear than what you can tell him- "I once was lost but now I'm found, was blind but now I see?" He called us to be His witnesses. That means tell your story, why do you follow Him? You don't have to tell your pastor's sermon or the four laws of salvation, just your story. He said "you will be my witnesses", but we seem to become less and less that whilst we become more and more professional entertainers. This also breaks my heart...

If I learnt something from all this seek God adventure is that the Glory of God is in hidden things: "It is the glory of God to conceal a thing, but the glory of kings is to search out a thing." (Proverbs 25:2)
When Yeshua came He had nothing that would've drawn anybody's attention: "He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him." (Isaiah 53:2b). He just came and spoke of the Father and loved us until the world could not ignore Him anymore. When Moses asked Adonai "Show me Your glory", Adonai could have done absolutely anything, but He chose to say His Name: "And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation." (Exodus 34:6-7) God thinks His Glory is His Name, the way that He is. But we don't seem to be impressed about that. Why?

I am not against signs and miracles. I yearn for them just as any other. But if I never see a miracle in my life, I am not bothered. Whatever miracle He would do from today onwards won't beat in my books what He did in me so far. I think He hides His Glory and Power, for the same reason a rich man looking for love, does not advertise that he is rich- He wants to be loved for who He is not for what He has or what He can do. He says "Seek Me. Follow Me. Love Me." We seem to be telling Him "Show me Your Glory. Just heal that cancer. Just make that disabled person walk, Lord. Just let those around me see who my Gos is." I know there is pain and need in this world, trust me I was not brought up on a bed of roses, but we tell the whole world "Christianity is not a religion, it is a relationship". Is it?

You know what my problem is? I can't ever be anything else but a Christian girl. You know why? Because I am in love with the Jewel of Christianity, and I can't turn my back. I know I will never be able to do it, otherwise I would convert to Judaism tomorrow.

So I sit here with my dilemmas, carry on in my journey and call Bat Melech when it all becomes a bit too much: "Remind me again, why are we Christians?" "Because, we love Him, Emma. Because He loves His bride and if you want to find Him, you know where He's hiding? In each and every one of them."

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3

"To whom will you compare me or count me equal? To whom will you liken me that we may be compared?" (Isaiah 46:5)

In the middle of my sin

"Sin will take you further than you want to go, hold you longer than you want to stay and you'll pay a price higher than you ever intended."

"At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves." (Genesis 3:7a) "And the Lord God made clothing from animal skins for Adam and his wife." (Genesis 3:21)

"No longer will the ground yield good crops for you, no matter how hard you work! From now on you will be a homeless wanderer on the earth.” Cain replied to the Lord, “My punishment is too great for me to bear! You have banished me from the land and from your presence; you have made me a homeless wanderer. Anyone who finds me will kill me!” The Lord replied, “No, for I will give a sevenfold punishment to anyone who kills you.” Then the Lord put a mark on Cain to warn anyone who might try to kill him. " Genesis 4:12-15

I wrote all these verses because they illustrate in a practical way how God loves a human being in the mist of his or her sin. Adam and Eve were naked from the moment they were created. They were close to God and they felt loved, accepted and fulfilled exactly how they were. When they sinned the bond broke and in that moment they saw their nakedness (emptiness). I feel empty only when I grow distant from God. When He is close I feel loved and accepted and fulfilled. I don't know how to get bored, I never did. I spent many days on my own in the house and I never was bored, because I never felt I am on my own. I don't particularly like loneliness, but I can't live without it for more than a few days. I have to somehow end up somewhere where it's just me and Him.

Something that touches my heart very much in the scene with Adam and Eve, is the way God loves them. When they realise they are naked, they feel shame and they hide. And in the middle of all the disaster they created, God stops to make them clothes so that His children would stop being ashamed and hide from Him. All the time they were close to Him it didn't matter that they were naked, they were always clothed in His presence, so they didn't know what it means to be naked and empty. When He is no more, what has man got left to cover the nakedness of his soul and his mind? Nothing, but shadows and dust-other people and things, that can be easily taken away. When He is close I always feel warmth, as if I am surrounded by these invisible arms: "You wrap around me like a winter coat. You come and burn me with Your kiss, and my heart burns for You..." (Delirious- Obsession)

Another instance that drew my attention is the story of Cain's punishment, after he killed Abel. God tells him: "From now on you will be a homeless wanderer on the earth.” At which point, Cain exactly as his mother did in the Garden of Eden, starts adding to what God said: "You have banished me from the land and from your presence; you have made me a homeless wanderer. Anyone who finds me will kill me!” God never said however will find him should kill him, but Cain considers his punishment too great and he doesn't shy away from telling God this. Can you believe the man? After killing his own brother? In the Bible the capital punishment for anyone who spills innocent blood is death. You would expect in the very same instance for God to strike Cain dead where he was standing. Instead of this He loves Cain in the midst of his capital sin. The punishment should have been a life for a life. If anyone would have encountered Cain and killed him, he would've only got what he deserved. But God decides a signs for Cain so that everyone would know not to kill him: "The Lord replied, “No, for I will give a sevenfold punishment to anyone who kills you.” Then the Lord put a mark on Cain to warn anyone who might try to kill him. "A mark to protect him, in the middle of his sin: "Don't touch him, he is My son. He might be a mess right now, but he's still My son." This is how God loves in the midst of our rubbish. This is my God- the One who carries on loving when He would have every reason to be disappointed.
This is what He says about me when I land in the pit, when hell would have every right to step all over me: "Don't touch her! She's My girl. She might be a mess right now, but she's Mine"
Yeshua's blood for me is my sign. God put it on me so that the whole world seen and unseen would know that I am His: "Don't touch her, she's Mine"

I never knew how much I can be loved, until I saw God loving me in the midst of my sin. There, in the middle of my mess, my heart hears: "I have chosen you and will not throw you away...because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you." (Isaiah 41:9b; Isaiah 43:4a) And that's when my heart reaches to Him and wants out of the pit and back in His arms. God invests time, patience and a great deal of love in us. My sister, Bat Melech, was writing today "If God has a weakness, that's us." And that's so precious. God can't resist a heart that reaches out for Him, no matter how messed up that heart is. He will never throw it away.






Sometimes while I'm driving
Trying to find my song
Looking for the answers
And where I do belong
Finally the children are
Bringin' me back home

Ooooooooh Ooooooooh Ooooooooh
Is there anybody out there
Does anybody care
Are the people really there
Ooooooooh Ooooooooh Ooooooooh
Is there anybody seeking
Does anybody see
Or are they deaf and dumb like me

Sometimes when I'm drivin'
Lookin' for my song
Lookin' for the answers
And where I do belong
Finally the children are
Bringin' me back home

Ooooooooh Ooooooooh Ooooooooh
Is there anybody out there
Does anybody care
Are the people really there
Ooooooooh Ooooooooh Ooooooooh
Is there anybody seeking
Does anybody see
Or are they deaf and dumb like me

Sometimes when I'm drivin'
Still lookin' for my song
Lookin' for the answers
And where I do belong
Finally sweet Jesus is
Bringin' me back home

Ooooooooh Ooooooooh Ooooooooh
Is there anybody out there
Does anybody care
Are the people really there
Ooooooooh Ooooooooh Ooooooooh
Is there anybody seeking
Does anybody see
Or are they deaf and dumb like me

Ooooooooh Ooooooooh Ooooooooh
Is there anybody out there
Does anybody care
Are the people really there
Ooooooooh Ooooooooh Ooooooooh
Is there anybody seeking
Does anybody see
That he died upon a tree

Father God vs Mother Nature

"I thought you would call Me 'Father' and not turn away from following Me." Jeremiah 3:19b

"Then I will return to My place until they admit their guilt and turn to Me. For as soon as trouble comes, they will earnestly search for Me.” Hosea 5:15

God doesn't want anyone to perish. He will warn, love and meet you at crossroads in your life, all along the way. I am convinced every human that ever walked this earth had encounters with Him along their journey. Nobody will be able to say at the end "You were not fair with me, God. I did not have the same chances she had. Of course she followed you, because she knew you. What chances did I have? The only picture of you I ever saw was that of an old angry man with beard. You scared me, that's why I didn't follow."

Things will happen to you along the way which will bring you to that moment, where you either turn towards Him and acknowledge Him, or you will carry on with your life because you know better than to believe in fairytales like those naives who fall for everything and need their faith like a walking stick in order to actually make it in this life. I mean, what's all this stuff with "look around you to all that is created and you will see the majesty of God"? It's just mother nature and it's got nothing to do with God creating something.

Fine, you go ahead with your mother and I will follow my Father. I guess we'll just have to see at the end who made the right choice. All I can say is that I can't witness for mother nature, because she never came when I called. She never saw my hopelessness when I began to ask myself "Is this it?", she never chased away my fears and love me so much as to make me want to give my best to her. But I called God when I had nothing to do with Him, when I too, saw Him like and angry old man with beard, and He answered and changed me forever. I got to that point and so will you if you haven't already. Everyone meets Him at some point, but not all appreciate Him. He goes to everybody and gives them chances. You know how I know that, because He started by going to the first assassin in human history, even though He knew the assassin will end up killing anyway: "If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it." (Genesis 4:7)
This is the advice God gave to Cain after he got angry because God rejected his sacrifice and accepted the sacrifice of Abel, his brother. Why did God reject Cain's sacrifice? Because God told humans how to approach Him after they betrayed His trust. Abel obeyed, Cain thought he knew better than God. I love the verse above and is one of the verses I quote to myself. I love it because God sounds like a Father teaching his son how to do good. What strikes me every time is the fact that God knew Cain will kill Abel, but in His love and mercy, He wanted to warn Cain anyway.
"Fine, but if He loved Cain and had mercy on him, how come He didn't stop him?" Because He gave us free will. The same free will that gives this world the choice to reject Him. To stop Cain would've meant to step over his will. It is the same reason He doesn't stop us from killing each other. All He does is protect us if we ask for it. That's how He decided to create us at the beginning, and no matter how much some believe this, God doesn't change the rules: "God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" Numbers 23:19
God warned Cain, but he didn't seem to notice what God said to him, it all went over his head. So Cain started by getting angry and ended up killing his brother, despite God's warning. However, God did not kill him. Just as He doesn't destroy us today, even though we have the same "I know better" attitude. He carries on being a Father to one fatherless generation after another, without the majority of the fatherless ever giving Him a second thought...

"Torah begins and ends with kindness: God clothing Adam and Eve and burying Moses" Rabbi Simlai

Abba's girl

Acquaintances or Friends

"This is what the LORD says: "Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight," declares the LORD. Jeremiah 9:23-24 "He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him." John 1:10

At some point at the beginning of the year, Bat Melech wrote an article describing the difference between knowing about someone and knowing someone. She was saying that it's not about this world not having heard of Him, or know the historical events sorrounding Him, it's simply the fact that this world has not known intimacy with Him. People might know many things about the Queen of England, but that doesn't mean they know her. I have many acquaintances and very few friends. People have the feeling they know me, but there's more to me than meets the eye.

What does it mean to have intimacy with God? I guess it all starts with knowing things about Him, but if you stop there you're just an acquittance. If you keep seeking though, what you know becomes part you and draws you closer and closer and closer to Him, until you find yourself thinking "I'll trust Him, because I know Him." When I read something about Him, or the way he relates to someone in the Bible, I try to see the Person rather than some entity out there. What does He mean? Why does He say that? How does He feel? What is He thinking? What's in His heart when He looks at this person?

One of the sweetest and funniest situations in the Bible, is in Genesis 18. Whenever I read it, it leaves me with a smile and sweetness in my heart. It's about Sarah and Abraham. God goes to Abraham and He tells him: "I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son." (Genesis 18:10) Sarah was 90 years old and she begins to laugh to herself and think all that sounds surreal. I would've probably had the same reaction. God asks Abraham: "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old?" (Genesis 18:13) What happens next is actually funny: "Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, "I did not laugh." (Verse 15) She literally lies God to His face out of fear. But God doesn't strike her dead, He doesn't even ask her: "Sara, why are you lying to Me?" You can almost sense His smile when He sees how naive Sarah is. He simply says: "Yes, you did laugh."

Another one of my favourites is in the same Chapter 18 from Genesis and I call it the negotiation scene. It all starts with God saying: "Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do?" (Genesis 18:17) Sounds something like "Let me run this by My friend, Abraham." And then He carries on telling Abraham He intends to destroy both Sodom and Gomorrah. Abraham approaches God and tells Him: "Will you sweep away the righteous with the wicked?" Then he tells God something only a man who knows His God would dare to say: "Far be it from you to do such a thing—to kill the righteous with the wicked, treating the righteous and the wicked alike. Far be it from you! Will not the Judge of all the earth do right?"" (Genesis 18:25)
Next, God basically tells him: "Fine then, if I'll find 50 I won't destroy the cities" And all this carries on with Abraham daring more and more, negotiating from 50 to 10, five at a time- 45, 40, 35, 30...with God accepting his request each time, until he gets to 10: "Then he said, "May the Lord not be angry, but let me speak just once more. What if only ten can be found there?" He (God) answered, "For the sake of ten, I will not destroy it." (Genesis 18:32)
At no point do you see God getting upset with him, He actually seems to enjoy the fact that Abraham cares enough to approach Him and trusts Him enough to dare. This is how I see intimacy with God. Know that He is Holy, but trust Him enough to approach Him for anything. That's how I want to be with Him, in awe enough to bow my knee and my head, in love enough to always stretch my hand in trying to touch His face. Christianity without this is a very poor religion and it's got nothing to attract me. Without this, Church is nothing more than a glorified social club where I would not want to waste my Sundays. It's either this or nothing.

When you start reading the Bible you sometimes come across a few verses which as a new Christian either challenge you or scare the living day out of you. This was one of those verses for me: "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven." Matthew 7:21
In other words: "Just because you know My Name and you say it out loud, doesn't mean you actually know Me. To know Me you need to seek Me and find out what I am all about."
I picture this seeking business as courting. He came first and took the first step: "I love you, Emanuela. Wanna know how much? This much..." And He showed me, by giving everything for me. Now the ball is in my court. "I love you, Yeshua. Wanna know how much? This much..." And I keep seeking and learning and living what He shows me. He didn't ask me to die for Him yet, so the only way I can show Him I love Him is to live for Him. You know what leaves me breathless sometimes? The thought that one day, I will know Him just as He now knows me. Can you imagine? Just look at Him and know His thoughts and feel His heart...
That's why He is so amazing, He doesn't ask me to bow 10 times a day, and go to I don't know what city in the world to prove my love. He wants intimacy: "Seek Me. Know Me. Love Me." If you seek Him with all your heart, you will know Him and once you know Him you will love Him. These steps are as natural as breathing- they just happen.

His Emanuela

Diamonds and pearls

"Don’t answer the foolish arguments of fools, or you will become as foolish as they are. Be sure to answer the foolish arguments of fools, or they will become wise in their own estimation." Proverbs 26:4-5

If there is one thing I can't stand about myself, is talking when I should keep quiet. I only know how to do things one way- passionately. But when passion is not tamed by wisdom it can easily become folly. And I ended up in this trap so many times that I am honestly bored by this trip and a little bit fed up...

My latest cause is Christian attitude towards Jews. It took me, the naive, ages to get this, but not everybody cares and even amongst those who care not all see things the same way (imagine that). I defend what I love with all that I have, but if there is one principle I live by is- don't try to convince anybody of anything, Truth has power in Himself and He does not require lawyers, He wants witnesses.
So, yeah, I did get upset and saddened, but then I had a long nice chat with Bat Melech (Lord have mercy of my phone bill:-) and my thick head got it.
We all have the same Bible, and in all our Bibles is written the same thing. The Truth remains the same whether someone believes it or not, accepts it or not, speaks of it or not. And if some choose to condemn Israel and speak badly of her, they will not answer before me. If she still hears the same lies she heard through the ages, there is One who watches over her, who never slumbers nor sleeps. He will be the One asking questions at the end, not Emanuela.

I for one refuse as of today to get in debates with my Christian brothers about Israel and what they believe about her. Believe what you wish, my brothers, think whatever you choose. Those who seek with all their heart will find, those who wish to enter in debates to prove how intelligent they are, I have one request- do spare me, please. I am almost 30 and I would like to live, loving what I want, seeking what I want, learning what I want, finding my way back home and discovering things on this journey. If I am rude and intolerant, I'll be rude and intolerant but at least I'll be myself. Not everything that is precious to me, is the same for everybody else. Many of my pearls and diamonds could be easily stepped over by others and dismissed as nothing. I am not offended by that. I am however, offended when someone tries to stuff down my throut their diamonds and pearls. I am making myself vulnerable here and I am aware of that, I will carry on doing so, because I do it for that one person that tells me "That helped me, Em". If I accept the risk of you not agreeing with me and even step over my pearls and diamonds, allow me the same. I might not be interested in a debate and at least here in my world, I will never accept anything spoken against Israel. Piece of advice, I you wish to slander her or debate on how wrong she is, with all due respect- make your own blog.

Emanuela

P.S. Bat Melech, thank you for your support and for sharing this amazing song with me

I need You

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Honest truth I heard this verse all my life, but boy did it take me forever to understand it. I am not sure I completely got it now, but I'll keep searching. What's so hard to get? How can you be strong when you are weak? Why would I delight in weakness? Who wants to be weak? Did he just say "delight in persecutions"? What is this man on about?
As soon as I started walking with Him, I thought God wanted me to be strong, as the English say "stiffen that upper lip" and stand tall. And He does, but not if I try to do it on my own. That is pretty much impossible. Why? Because, I try to be strong and stand tall in a world I can't see. I can absolutely feel it, the same way you feel the wind, but I can't touch it with my hands and I can't see it with these eyes. So to make it in this world on my own will have the same success rate of a blind man trying to walk on a wire.
I thought I knew how to make it, that's why I did not understand the verse above. For my mind this verse was madness but my heart wanted to believe it. After a few good years of attempting on my own, I got it- I can't do it. I need Him.

When you discover God, and all that love, warmth, beauty, security and acceptance come over you, you find yourself so in love that you want to know everything and do everything He tells you to. So you grab that Bible and read and keep reading. And because of the tinted lenses you look at it through, you start treating the Bible as a list. You tell yourself: "I love Him, so I'll do this and this and this..." And you try and keep trying, and all the time you see you can't really make it. You get frustrated with yourself and agitated and at times lost. But you grow... I think God is amazing in allowing us to go through this process. I don't think He is frustrated with our failures and our limitations, as I thought for so long. I think He looks at us with the same love a father looks at his child who is determined to master the art of walking.
A brilliant pastor who passed away in 2008 and absolutely influenced my life, pastor Carl H. Stevens, once said: "When I do a lot, God does little, but when I do little God does much." I get it now, pastor Stevens, I can't make it on my own, no matter how much I love Him. It's not my love that will help me succeed, it's His love.

"That I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living." (Psalm 116:9)

I picture this journey of mine like a movie or a computer game (bear with me, I haven't lost it yet). My movie is about a girl who one day is called by her father and is told:"My dear, you have to go to a foreign land. It's a different land than ours. When you'll get there you will forget everything you've ever known about your home, about who you are and about me. You will have to travel through this land, learn about it and leave your mark on it. If at the end without knowing anything and having your free will, you still choose me and your home, you'll come back victorious. Don't be afraid, I will never leave you, not forsake you. I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go."
I remembered it all, but now I still have to continue my journey and make sure I will return victorious. Why? Because sometimes, I feel like Super Mario walking on this thin wall, with all the little monsters jumping around me trying to get me off the wall. Little monsters such as pain, suffering, doubt, ignorance, unanswered questions, blindness...
That's why I need Him, because for as long as I hold His hand, I might loose my balance, but there's no way the "little monsters" will get me off the wall. He's my guide in my blindness, He not only knows by heart the world that I can't see, but He knows how to take me back victorious.
"Why would a loving God send you on such a journey?" Why not? He certainly didn't send me anywhere He didn't go first. He took this journey and He showed me it can be done. He went back victorious. And so will I:-)

Adonai, I need you! I need you because the storms inside me obey your voice still. I need you because my fear is still afraid of you. I need you because when I get lost you know where to find me. I need you, because for as long as I look at You, I will never forget who I am. I need You to make it back home.

Your Emanuela.