Birds, butterflies and rough aunties

"I'm like a bird, I only fly away. I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is." Nelly Furtado, Like a bird

I woke up the other day with this song in my head. I like birds, they're beautiful and they definitely fly away, just like I do, only to find a place where they belong, where it will be better for them. But I identify a lot more with butterflies. A butterfly's life is short (6-8 weeks), however the stages a butterfly goes through from egg to a beautiful adult are very similar to a human life. It grows inside of the egg for four days, then it stays as a caterpillar for about two weeks, then it spends about 10 days inside of the chrysalis before becoming a beautiful adult. Butterflies start out as something quite ugly and disgusting to some, but become something beautiful we all stop to have look at. They also fill me up with hope, because the stage as an ugly caterpillar last for about 10 days, whereby they live as something beautiful for the rest of their existence.

Whether now I am as a bird that flies away looking for a home or an ugly caterpillar in waiting, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that God's intention for me is to become a beautiful adult, and when I'll get there, that's the part that will last.

I am a bit shaky these days, I don't like how I react to God's lessons and timings. I watched a documentary the other day called "Rough Aunties", about a group of women from South Africa, fighting for the abused children through an organisation called Bobby Bear. At some point the little boy of one of the ladies drowns. She is screaming her pain while others are holding her, but then she suddenly says "I accept, Lord, I accept. Your will be done." On the day her son is buried she goes to the leader of Bobby Bear, and she tells her "I want to come back, Monday. My son is gone. I will not bring him back." I stood there with the remote in my hand and I started to cry. I don't want to rebel, I don't want to allow myself to drag my feet, I don't want to comment. I just want to accept, just as I am accepted by Him.

In days like today, Adonai, I would want to be so many things that I am not. I would like to follow with all my heart and I would want my life to shine before you...But if that is not the case, if here in your waiting room, I started acting like a restless child, I thank you for your kindness, I thank you for correcting me, I thank you for birds and butterflies and rough aunties, who remind me that when I'll get to where you want me, that's the stage that will last.