Why stand up for what you believe?

"I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile." Apostle Paul- Romans 1:16

"For as long as a man does not discover something to die for he's not prepared to live." Johann Christopher Arnold

This is one of the last quotes, Cassie Bernall, wrote in her journal before she was shot. She is one of the teenagers killed in the Columbine High school tragedy. She was asked whether she believed in God and survivors indicate she said "yes". As a result she was shot in the head by one of her colleagues, whilst being held hostage in the high school library.

For many years I copied Arnold's quote from one journal to another to remind myself not to be ashamed of what I believe. Today I was reminded of it again. Cassie was 17 when she confessed her faith with a simple word, and in reading her life story she seemed to have been just as much of a messed up teenager as I was:-) But once she found God, Cassie held on to Him until the end. My friend and brother, Tim Skinner, shares many of my frustrations when it comes to the Truth, because Tim seems to be just as passionate as I am about speaking (writing in my case) of what we believe. There will always be the dilemma "When do I actually speak the Truth and when do I push my opinions on others?" I said it many times. I believe Truth has power in itself and you will only listen when you are prepared to hear it. As such I will not go to someone and try to convince them of what I believe. I am not saying it's a bad thing to do that, I am just saying I am not built that way. I write about what I believe and I put it out there. You are free to take it on board or dismiss it. My Lord is my treasure and in the same way I'm not gonna beg you to accept some gold, I will not try to convince anyone by pushing my opinions on them. Truth is not comfortable, political correctness is. Tim inspires me, because he's out there and speaks even with the risk of becoming uncomfortable (I witnessed myself what happened to him when he did become uncomfortable once), but he carries on speaking and standing up for what he believes. So I'll dedicate this blog to him and other people such as my sister who aren't afraid of not being popular or labelled "fanatics".

One thing I keep seeing the atheist getting frustrated about when it comes to us "the deluded fanatics" (at least according to Richard Dawkins who's face I keep coming across on British TV channels in shows such as "Genius of Britain" or "The God Delusion". Talk about pushing your ideas and political correctness, I don't see two many Christian or Jewish programmes which aren't either historically inaccurate or theologically messed up). Anyway, what seems to annoy the atheists about us is the "arrogance" with which we confess our truth as being The Truth. I have one question? What other truth than the one I believe would you like me to stand up for?

The other thing they keep throwing in our faces is-"I don't believe in God, but you don't see me going around telling everybody I don't believe in Him" I would say the Atheism's "spokesman", Richard Dawkins proves exactly the opposite, he almost seems "on a mission" to prove the non-existence of God. Like I was saying today, he seems so adamant to prove he doesn't have a religion that he turned atheism into his religion. But as an answer to "the accusation" perhaps the fact that God doesn't exist may occupy a secondary place in an atheist's life. The fact that He exists is everything to us.

I won't tap anyone on the shoulder and try to convince them of what I believe, but I will not stay quiet either and allow the likes of Richard Dawkins to call my God all sorts of names and spread lies about Him whilst I sit comfortably in my church pew.

"If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels." Luke 9:26

Emanuela

Thoughts from a foreign land

"The psalmists tell of panting with an open mouth, of thirsting for the living God, of longing for God as parched earth longs for water. They sound like letters from a lovesick lover and at the core that's what we seekers are. I tell myself that God is inclining an ear to my prayer, and over time I learn to believe it because I can see that God, like most of us, cares mainly about being loved, believed, trusted, honoured." Philip Yancey- "Prayer- Does it make any difference?"

Yesterday morning in my time with God this verses came to my mind "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:27) and then "God said to Moses, "I am who I am . This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.' " (Exodus 3:14) I guess it all happened because I asked God so much lately "Who am I, Abba?" Whatever, brought these verses to my mind, they made me realise that perhaps part of the reason we are created in His own image is that no other creature can introduce itself as God does "I AM"... I am Emma.

As Yancey says "we are unequal partners God and I" but if I go after Him, no matter how much I notice these differences between us, He will change my heart and open my ears. I know we are different God and I- I know. I know we belong to two different worlds right now- the seen and the unseen. But I also know that He became human for me. He wanted me so badly that He came after me.

At some point in April my sister wrote an article called "Anyone who will be ashamed of Me..." In this article amongst other things my sister tells of her journey into understanding what He gave up for us. She tried to look at The Passions, but she said she grew so accustomed to seeing Yeshua as a victim hanging on the cross, that it didn't move her too much. Until she realised He was changed within His nature for us. He choose to come as a human and as The Son of Man, a part of Yeshua will forever be Man. A part of Him is forever changed out of love for us. My sister was asking herself what kind of power or what kind of love could push someone to do such a thing? She was comparing it to a part of her soul being transferred in a bird's body, knowing she will forever be part bird, and to do all this out of love for birds.

I can't see His sacrifice or His love the same way anymore. He did all that for me. And now I am Emma and I belong to I AM WHO I AM, because nobody could ever love me more than this.
In days like today, I have to agree with Yancey, I do feel like a lovesick lover, but I know that if I want to be with Him one day the only way is straight ahead.

I miss you, Adonai sheli, like a refugee in a foreign land- I miss You.
They ask me "Do you feel Jesus? Can you feel the Holy Spirit? Yes, I can. But there's always always a degree of pain involved in feeling Him, because I know the feeling doesn't last. I stretch my hand to touch because I know in a few seconds, minutes this world will snatch me back from feeling Him and at that point for just a short moment I wish I could go home so that I would never have to feel that pain again. I know I am not the only one who feels this way. When He was here, He longed for the Father, He said: "the glory I had with you before the world began." (John 17:5b) "Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world." (John 17:24)
Apostle Paul longed after Him: "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." (Philippians 1:21)

A long chain of longing hearts is my company, but at the same time I know that because of these sweet moments and that pain mixed together, I would never be able to forget God. "How can you say that, Emma? You never know what might happen to you." True, but for as long as I get to keep my mind, I know now, I would not be able to forget Him. This used to be my greatest fear. That one day something so horrible would happen to me, that I would willingly forget Him. I would use my power to choose and forget Him. Now I'm free from that fear, because I realised that if I am "tattooed" on God's heart, He's tattooed on mine, too.

Not that I necessarily wish to remember this, but I was twenty and very drunk at parties with my friends and still somehow I would end up locking myself in the toilet in the middle of the party and remember the God my mother and grandmother told me about. I would feel drawn to Him, as if I would miss Him, even though I didn't know Him. Back then I did not know what it meant to be with Him- all this warmth and love and acceptance and safety I feel when I think of Him. I can't forget God even if I want to, because in one way or another I thought about Him all my life.

Sometimes I think it madness the way I make myself vulnerable here. "Why" I ask myself, "why would you do this to yourself?" Because if God willing, what I wrote here today, convinces even one of you to think of Him and "give Him your warmest smile", I don't care how many people think me crazy, it was worth it.

E

I'm talking to the girl in the mirror...

"Now with God's help, I shall become myself." Soren Kierkegaard

"In the world to come I shall not be asked: "Why were you not Moses?" I shall be asked "Why were you not Zusya?" Rabbi Zusya

"Look at Him; give Him your warmest smile. Never hide your feelings from Him" Psalm 34:5, The Message

I was writing yesterday about doing something with what was entrusted to us without allowing an incorrect image of God or fear to stop us, because at the end when we will meet Him, that will simply not constitute an excuse before Him.

But what do I do if I don't even know what was entrusted to me? To be honest with you I've heard so many sermons about God's calling upon my life or "my ministry," that I almost felt the pressure of coming up with something myself only to be able to tell someone "Well, my calling is..." I believe my calling is to be the best Emma that I can be. I believe there is an image of Emma "tattooed" somewhere on God's heart and that is who I am. I live in an environment that encourages me constantly "to become", to re-invent myself, to "do" for the sole purpose of achieving something. And so, unless I seek the One who holds in His heart the true picture of who I am, I will simply create cheap imitations of God's Emma.

There is an amazing Jewish song, that my sister translated for me. It's a conversation a child in search of himself/herself has with Abba Tov (Good Father). Some of the lyrics are:

"Father, I need to know with all my heart that this journey holds a good end,

That all this I'm going through along my path will turn weakness into a great strength

Father, I want to go back to myself and find you there with me.

In essence I'm pure goodness, Father

And in that point I believe in myself."

When I read this the first time I thought "Well, in my essence I am not pure goodness. In my essence I'm a sinner and that's the end of that." It's true, I am a sinner, and without Adonai sheli (My Lord), that's all I'll ever be. But at the same time I carry God's light in me, He choose to put His life and His light in me and because of that, in my essence I am pure goodness. I might not always feel that way and I might not always act as such, but that is how things stand.

I can be very disciplined if I want to. I learned to speak English with a strong American accent and I changed it to British in a matter of months. If I decide to do something, I make a plan and get on with it. I studied PR and Communication so I am "an expert" at re-inventing myself because I've done it for years. But I'm tired and I want to be His Emma... It's a strong desire in me, not just "to be", but to be who He wants me to be. When you pursue a walk of holiness, you start to change things about yourself and that is good, for as long as you understand that you do not have the power to change yourself no matter how much you want. "Sure I do", you might say. I would have to ask you first whether you changed yourself or just a habit and secondly if you say you managed to change everything about your life, how long did it last before you were exhausted? I heard so many people saying "I've tried so hard!" I know, trust me. I also did. For nine years all I do is stand up and land on my face. Now I am convinced the only One that can truly change us is God, because He does it as part of a process, when we don't even realise we are being changed and He does it from the inside out. He somehow manages to change the way I think, I relate to people, I see the world...And all along all I've done was spend time with Him. It's not something forced, that change is a direct result of His Greatness touching this little me-everyday until all I want is just that touch.

If you would ask me "Emma, tell me in one phrase the greatest lesson of your journey so far?" It would have to be, I have only one power in this limited life- the power to choose. I choose to stand up everytime I land because I keep hearing in myself "He did not give up for my sake, I will not give up for His sake." I have the power to choose to seek Him instead of choosing anything else that would satisfy me momentarily. I have the power to choose to forgive. I have the power to choose to look around me everyday and find someone to help or make them smile or do something for them. I have the power to choose to pick up the rubbish from the ground, if you want, because it took God six days to create this amazing planet. I have the power to choose Him and His life everytime it would be a lot more advantageous for me to make a little compromise. This is my only power and it is so strong that not even God can act against it. God can't make me choose anything. It has to be me. Like my sister says: "If God could make us choose something, He would make us love Him more", but He can't because free will is His gift to us.

Who is the true Emma, God's Emma? She is the girl that always always chooses Him. Only He knows her and I am really hoping that as I carry on seeking Adonai sheli, I will become her.

His Emma.

"There is only one problem on which all my existence, my peace and my happiness depend, to discover myself in discovering God." Thomas Merton

"Inception"- The power of an idea

"Then the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.' "His master replied, 'You wicked, lazy servant!..." (Matthew 25:22-26a)

I have not written for about a week now, because I am in some in depth learning session:-) I spend every waking hour that I am not at work trying to grasp what a walk in holiness means. You might think "that's a bit extreme", but for me it's not, because ever since I understood that holiness is walking in a way that pleases God and brings Him delight, I want to walk that way every moment of my life. You see, God loves words, He uses them a lot to communicate. He could have left us anything to guide us in our journey, but He left us a book:-) At the same time however, He knows that we are fickle creatures and we proved to Him time and time again that hardly ever can He trust our words. So the way to show God my love is by what I do not what I say and I want Him to know that I love Him...

One of the things I keep coming back to so far, is the Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25. Again very famous parable, tells the story of a rich man going away and leaving three of his servants with some coins to invest them. He gives the first one 5, the second one 2 and the third one 1 coin. The first one "went at once", the parable says, and invested the coins bringing double the profit. The second one did the same and obtained four coins instead. The third one went and buried his coin. "After a long time", the master comes back and summons his servants. He commends the first two for the good job they have done and rewards them. But when he gets to the third he has a surprise, his servant pretty much waisted all that time doing nothing with his coin. Why?

That's a good question and when I realised the answer it scarred me how much I saw myself in the third servant. Because we heard this parable so many times, we tend to read it out of habit and not pay attention to details such as:

The first servant "went at once" and did his best. He acted right way, as if his master would have come tomorrow. Or the fact that the master came back "after a long time" giving the servants equal opportunity to do something about what has been entrusted to them.
But what I missed the most in reading this parable before, was the reasons, the third servant didn't do anything about his coin. He tells the master "I knew you were a hard man" and "I was afraid"

Why aren't we doing something with what has been entrusted to us? We either stopped expecting Him with excitement, as if He would come tomorrow or we see His grace which gives us time as delay in fulfilling His promises (2 Peter 3:9), or we have a wrong image of Him and live in fear.

"I knew you were a hard man"-How many people still picture God as an angry old man overly zealous in administering punishments. How could you ever approach such a God, not to mention serve Him and doing your best to bring Him joy? Still, if you seek Him you will find Him.

A Chinese girl was telling a story of how when she was a little girl she got very poorly. Her parents got so desperate of praying to all the ancestors that they ended up dedicating the girl to the God who heals, not knowing who that God was. The girl got healed. Later on in her life whilst living in the West, she was invited to a prayer meeting by a friend. There she heard someone praying to the God who heals and she knew she found her God. Etty Hillesum, a Jewish girl who didn't want to have anything to do with institutionalised religion, started to look for beauty all around her. One morning whilst in her bathroom she found herself kneeling on a coconut mat and praying for the first time in her life because she realised WHO beauty was. Neither one of these girls were born in a Christian home or went to Sunday school. Etty never went to the Synagogue, still because she looked for Him she ended up finding El Elohe Israel (The God of Israel). And until the moment she was killed in Aushwitz, Etty guarded God inside her, as her greatest treasure. The only way you will never find Him is by assuming you already know Him or by never even bothering.

"I was afraid" said the third servant in presenting his cause. But the master doesn't seem to be impressed by his excuse. He calls the servant "wicked and lazy". Why? I mean the poor man could not help being afraid, could he?
I think the servan'ts fear was a direct result of his wrong image of the master. Time and time again all through the Bible, God tells us "Fear not for I am with you". But what do I do when I think the one who is with me is actually the one out to get me? I either run from Him, stay there paralysed with fear or overcome my fear and stretch my hand to get to know the one besides me. There's no simple way around this. If I ended up being lied to time and time again about God, the only way I will break free is to overcome my fear and actually approach Him. Perhaps I'm not afraid of God. Perhaps I'm afraid of failure, pain, future. Again, the only way I'll make it, is by facing my fear. One day I discovered a great advice "When you're afraid, picture the worst that can happen and learn to handle it inside you, once you've accepted it, take the first step. By the end of it you'll realise it wasn't as bad as you actually thought." When faced with fear the first thing I do is ask for courage, I picture the worst, allow my mind to accept it and then move on, not only because I do not want to hear at the end "you wicked lazy servant", but because stopping there paralysed with fear, is a slap in the face of The One who did not give up for my sake.

This parable taught me, the first step to living in holiness is actually taking the first step. When I begin to seek God, everything will conspire to stop me. My thoughts will ridicule me, my friends will think me odd, my life will change and many times I will be misunderstood and judged. But will this stop me? When fear comes under any shape or form, will I face it? Will I try to see what the root is, or just accept it as part of who I am and stop there.
I went to see the movie "Inception". What a movie!!! One thing the movies presents in an amazing way is the power of an idea planted in your head. If it's done skillfully enough you will end up accepting it as your own, as part of who you are. Fear plants many ideas in our heads. The question is will I accept them or get to the root and if rotten pull it out?

Emanuela

It's suppose to be a relationship

"I have learnt one absolute principle in calculating God's presence or absence, and that is that I cannot. God invisible, sovereign, who according to the psalmist "does whatever pleases Him," sets the terms of the relationship. As the theologian Karl Barth insisted so fiercely, God is free: free to reveal Himself or conceal Himself, to intervene or not intervene, to work with nature or outside it, to rule over the world or even to be despised and rejected by the world to display Himself or limit Himself. Our own human freedom derives from a God who cherishes freedom. I cannot control such a God. At best I can put myself in the proper frame to meet Him. I can confess sin, remove hindrances, purify my life, wait expectantly and- perhaps the hardest of all-seek solitude and silence. I offer no guaranteed method to obtain God's presence, for God alone governs that. " Philip Yancey- Reaching for the invisible God

I mentioned before, that I am walking with God for 9 years now, and to be honest I probably tried pretty much all that has been suggested to me by preachers, leaders, mature Christians, books and especially the Bible, on how to approach God and how to "get in His presence". This is one of the most common phrases a non-Christian will hear when going into a church, and rightly so, because He is our goal after all (or He should be), we want to be with Him. But I am learning now, I went about it the wrong way. A Jewish friend of mine told me this before, but I sort of put it in the "lets agree to disagree" box and left it there. He told me "You know, what bothers me about Christianity? You want to approach God but in your own way, on your own terms." I asked myself a lot lately "How come, some people find it easier to approach God than others? Why does it seem almost natural for some and is a permanent struggle for others? Why some just go and tell Him everything in an honest natural way and others need structures and formulas which still leave them sometimes with empty hands and hearts?"

I think I am slowly getting my answer. It seems to have a lot to do with some people's desire to control the dynamic of the relationship. What do I mean? "God only does things this way, He only comes after three songs, preferably two praise and one worship, or if the women heads are covered (which by the way I would like, if we would actually cover our heads for real)"

Somehow I discover it all has to do with humbleness. With accepting we are about to enter His world, a world we can't see and know hardly anything about. That He is the One that invited us there through Yeshua, and as such He decides what He wants to share with us. Yet somehow enter this world of His believing in our hearts that He'll never miss a date.

You see, what's on my heart lately is how gracious He is with us to allow us to be who we are in our relationship with Him. Do you realise He knows everything there is to know about us, but still shows up to what I call "our dates" almost eager to discover us, and for us to discover Him? This thought leaves me in awe, because were I in "His shoes" I would be at least bored about my date.
Why then do we limit Him so in our approach? Why don't we allow Him to reveal Himself? I know God wants to be discovered by us, the same way I know I breath, otherwise He would have never initiated THIS. Yeshua would have never come and He could have started everything all over again. But how curious are we to discover Him? Are we fascinated by His Person, or do we simply treat Him as our Therapist, or our Bank or our Doctor? These thoughts challenge me, make me want more...so much more.

Yesterday, I read a quote in Yancey's book and everytime I remember it I start to cry: "God is like a person who clears His throat while hiding and so gives Himself away." Minster Eckhart
The verse of my life is "You will seek Me and you will find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will let Myself be found by you." (Jeremiah 29:13-14) This is the one thing I keep telling myself all throughout this journey. Yesterday I had to face the daunting question "How will I know I found Him?" Somehow in my naivety I thought at a certain point in my life I will reach this constant stage of spiritual maturity and be somehow unshakable and unfazed by life. Somehow I thought finding God and reaching that stage were connected. But yesterday I realised, as I am limited I have to face the reality of perhaps never fully finding an unlimited God here. And still, what matters is seeking, because as I seek I find and as I find I become more fascinated by Him. This is what makes my journey worthwhile. The fact that there isn't a specific point when I find Him, He reveals Himself and I relive the joy of a seeking heart time and time and time again. I want to give Him His space in my life, to make room for Him in me and invite Him to just come and let me know Him in His own way, in His own time. Allow Him to be free just as He gave me this perfect freedom of being who I am yet still be accepted by Him.

Adonai sheli, thank you for allowing me to learn my lessons, walk my deserts, make my mistakes without forcing me to become something I cannot yet be. Thank you for not turning your back, bored or disappointed by my slowness. Teach me how to allow You the same freedom in my life without starting to question "why?where?when?

Your girl.

"The mystery of the ordinary"

"As a pianist, I find that my competency depends on one thing above all: consistent practice. I take little joy in practising scales and arpeggios, and most of the time I skip them in favour of more melodic pieces. When I do so, however, I find that the grander pieces themselves seem, more like work than joy. I do not play scales for their own sake, but in order to play the grander pieces I must build on the daily mystery of the ordinary." Philip Yancey

"Live your life by grace, on purpose, everyday in little ways, to please God." pastor Rob Prokop

"Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out." (Romans 12:1-2, The Message Bible)

Two days ago, I was writing about aiming to live a holy life regardless where we are at, because this is what we are called to do. We can talk a lot and we can depend on "Jesus loves me yes I know for the Bible tells me so", but at the end of the day we will be judged or rewarded based on what we do with our lives. Bat Melech has this joke which really makes me laugh when I hear it: "I don't want the Heaven's gates to close and catch my clothes because I barely made it. For me it matters how I get there." As I was saying in my previous posting it can be a bit daunting to even begin to live a holy live in a world that permanently tells me I don't need God, that I am too young to pursue such interests. I mean where do I even start? Do I have to give up on everything that's fun and walk around with a hallow on my head?

I asked Adonai these questions quite a lot and in one way or another He seems to show me and guide me, because I seem to learn new things all the time. Toda, Adonai sheli. I came across the paragraph from Mark 14:3-8 again. The passage is quite famous, it tells the story of a woman who came to Yeshua when He was in the house of Simon the Leper. She brought with her a jar of alabaster, containing a very expensive perfume made out of pure nard. She broke her jar and poured all the expensive perfume on Yeshua, in an act of worship. The disciples got quite annoyed as they considered it a waist that could have been prevented and the money from the perfume be given to the poor, but Yeashua defended the woman, because He understood what she did. He said: "Leave her alone. Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. She did what she could. .." (Mark 14:6)

When I read the last sentence I realised that's all He's asking. "Do all you can? Seek with all your heart? Try with all your might and all your strength?" That's it! As Bat Melech says, "He knows my limits". He really knows how much I can and as long as I make up my mind every day to do my best for His sake, that's enough. There are times when I will be like a spiritual giant soaring on the wings of faith, praying and reading and learning and that's great. But there will be times when I will hardly drag myself, discouraged and disorientated and feeling lost, but as long as I stretch my hand to Him even there and without knowing much else I tell Him "Abba Tov"- "You're a good Father to me, even if I don't understand", that's enough.

I discover more and more with every desert that I cross, that this Christian walk is not a "fake it till you make it" business, but it's about being honest to myself and to my God: "I am not well, Adonai, but I do not forget what you've done for me so far" That sounds fairly simple if I put it that way, doesn't it? And it really is. But then there is the other enemy- routine, the ordinary, the every day "I think I've seen this movie before" life.

I am back to my 9-5 office job. And God knows it is not my dream to interpret rules and regulations to solicitors for the rest of my life. I do not want to go and face pile upon pile of application forms, sometimes nasty customers whose main training in their life is to prove to the rest of humanity they are less educated. I dream to be more and do more, but I know I am here because He put me here. So what do I do then? Get annoyed, rebel? Tell Him I am trying my best to live a holy life everyday and it would be nice for Him to give me what I want right now? Yes, I could do that. I don't think I would get to much of a reaction from Him though, because Abba has this habit of ignoring spoiled brats and stroppy children. I don't want to be that in His sight. I want Him to grow me, help me become an adult that He is proud of, a child of His who learnt to choose well on her journey. So, if I am not good at something, I will practice. God knows I have a drummer next to me showing me everyday that practice makes perfect. I will show Him faith in His purpose for my life by waking up everyday and going to my job and doing my absolute best to be a friend to my colleagues a good advisor for my customers and a good employee for my company (if anyone from work reads this, please note I am not trying to win brownie points:-) and He will take care of the rest.

I titled this posting the mystery of the ordinary, because there is a mystery in all this. If I carry on every day, doing all that I can and giving my best, one of these days I will hear Him saying this: 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!' (Matthew 25:21)

And believe it or not that is all I want in this life.

If I'm holy how about I live that way

"Don't let the wise brag of their wisdom. Don't let heroes brag of their exploits. Don't let the rich brag of their riches. If you brag, brag of this and this only.That you understand and know Me. I'm God, and I act in loyal love. I do what's right and set things right and fair, and delight in those who do the same things.These are my trademarks." (Jeremiah 9:23-24, TM)

"There is only one happiness: to please Him. Only one sorrow, to be displeasing to Him..." Thomas Merton

"Living for God alone involves a radical reorientation, a stripping away of anything that might lure me from the primary goal of pleasing God. Living in faith involves me pleasing God, far more than God pleasing me." Philip Yancey- Reaching for the invisible God

I have been through a difficult time in my life for the last couple of months, never much fun, but always good for lessons. I feel I am slowly coming out, and because He knows me so well, it feels almost as if He's distracting me. Like I stare in one direction aimlessly and He puts His hand on my face and turns my eyes towards something else. And the discovery of this makes me love Him even more. I feel like He gave me a mission:-) "Stop focusing on what you can't handle, Emma, and focus on living a holy life."

Now, we all seem to cringe a little bit when we hear the word "holy", as if looking at this unreachable target. Some of us don't even bother because "Jesus made me holy, by dying for me", others try so hard on their own that they end up quitting. But still, all across our Bible ("old and new") He tells us "Be holy, for I am Holy." “What a thing to focus on when you come out of the pit of depression, Emma...”

Perhaps. But if not now then when? After all, this is what I am called to do in my journey- Seek God and live for Him as if I would see Him. It's called a life of faith: "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." (Hebrews 11:6)

For those who don't even bother, "because Jesus made them holy"- you're absolutely right. It's called justification and it gives us free access to God The Father, through Jesus- the Lamb that was sacrificed for our sins once and for all. But after we were justified we have to follow Him and obey His commandments: "Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:18-20)

This is the life of faith and holiness He called us to live based on which we will receive our reward and it's called sanctification: "But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy. "Since you call on a Father who judges each man's work impartially, live your lives as strangers here in reverent fear. For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect." (1 Peter 1:15-19)

For those who tried so hard on their own and did not make it- you are already accepted by Him, so stop focusing on that and start living for Him.

How do I live holy? It's hard to make a list without turning it into something that would kill someone’s spirit. Every person's relationship with God is unique, because we are unique (Chris, please note I did not say "special" :-)) So we still have to live this uniqueness because that's what's beautiful about us, but at the same time there are some things which are common sense and we should keep in mind. Such as it will not just happen, I have to be intentional about it. I have this rule where I force myself to do something I don't want to do, every day, so that I learn discipline and self-control (ex. I am tired coming from work and I vacuum today and not leave it for tomorrow or I really want to just chill out and watch TV, but I feel this prompting in my heart to go and seek God, so I switch off the TV). These are examples of being intentional and until they become a habit, I have to force myself to do them, because they don't come natural to me. I do it because I want to live for Him not for me, and if I am not disciplined enough today to switch off the TV, how will I be disciplined enough tomorrow to give up something that sounds amazing but it's not God's will for my live. Pastor Rob Prokop says the little things we do build up momentum for the great things that will come along. And I agree with him, because in the Parable of talents (Matthew 25), the master (the Lord) tells the good servant: "His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!" (Matthew 25:21)

And this verse brings me to my point. I know it's hard to live for God when a whole world tells you that you don't need Him that we are self-sufficient and we are gods ourselves. It's hard when you're in a pit, and like my sister said once on her blog, you're eyes are lying to you by showing you a false image of God. One reflected through your circumstances, as some pair of wrong glasses which show you a distorted image of something you know very well.” But it's in hard times that we have to remember why we are here. It's not about here and now, it's not about us. It's about Him and living a life that's pleasing in His sight. I still can't explain God, and after all I have been through these months, all I have seen in the lives of my dear ones, I am the last to give advice. That's not what I am doing here. What I am hoping is to maybe be daring enough to do for you what He did for me- put my hand on your faces and turn your eyes to Him. It doesn't matter that we don't see Him, we all know He's here.

"When you reach wilderness, Emma, breath and close your eyes. If you're still breathing it means He didn't go anywhere. And if your eyes don't help you anymore, at least don't allow them to lie to you." My sister, Cristina Pop (Bat Melech)

?Emergent Churches?

I came across these videos today, and I wanted to share them with you all. I can identify so many ideas that have already sneaked into our churches from this "new theology".

Words are not important anymore, His Word is not important anymore, what matters is how some "experience" Him. It will always remain with me that when Moses asked Him to show His Glory, the one thing God did, was to SPEAK His Name. (Exodus 33, 34:6-7) The Son of God who came to save us, is The Word. Since when do we dismiss words and rely on feelings and experiences? More then ever, I know these days that if I would follow Him based on feelings and experiences I would give up. But I believe His Word is supreme authority, far above anything I will ever touch with my hands or see with my eyes, way beyond any shiver down my spine that I might happen to feel in a church gathering. Brothers, I might also not agree with many things in the main stream evangelical churches, but from here to messing up God's Word for the sake of experiences, feelings and a "strong sense of community" there's a long way. As I suggested before, call it social club. Don't label it Christ's Church, because that's His Bride, and guess what? His Bride obeys His VOICE. (John 10:4)
I'm not saying we should have all the answers, because we simply can't. But if He said, He will come to judge this world, excuse me if I believe Him, rather than the high tech laser beaming mind boggling tinggling experiences you might have when you come together.

You might not agree with me and that is fine. I think we are in the times we have been warned about. I wish we would all hang on to His Word for dear life, because I know we all love Him. ..But what saddens me is that some of us still love more what we perceive than what we believe.

"For we are not, like so many, [like hucksters making a trade of] peddling God's Word [shortchanging and adulterating the divine message]; but like [men] of sincerity and the purest motive, as [commissioned and sent] by God, we speak [His message] in Christ (the Messiah), in the [very] sight and presence of God." (2 Corinthians 2:17, AMP)

"No Other Gospel

I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel— which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned! As we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let him be eternally condemned!" (Apostle Paul, Galatians 1:6-9)

Birds, butterflies and rough aunties

"I'm like a bird, I only fly away. I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is." Nelly Furtado, Like a bird

I woke up the other day with this song in my head. I like birds, they're beautiful and they definitely fly away, just like I do, only to find a place where they belong, where it will be better for them. But I identify a lot more with butterflies. A butterfly's life is short (6-8 weeks), however the stages a butterfly goes through from egg to a beautiful adult are very similar to a human life. It grows inside of the egg for four days, then it stays as a caterpillar for about two weeks, then it spends about 10 days inside of the chrysalis before becoming a beautiful adult. Butterflies start out as something quite ugly and disgusting to some, but become something beautiful we all stop to have look at. They also fill me up with hope, because the stage as an ugly caterpillar last for about 10 days, whereby they live as something beautiful for the rest of their existence.

Whether now I am as a bird that flies away looking for a home or an ugly caterpillar in waiting, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that God's intention for me is to become a beautiful adult, and when I'll get there, that's the part that will last.

I am a bit shaky these days, I don't like how I react to God's lessons and timings. I watched a documentary the other day called "Rough Aunties", about a group of women from South Africa, fighting for the abused children through an organisation called Bobby Bear. At some point the little boy of one of the ladies drowns. She is screaming her pain while others are holding her, but then she suddenly says "I accept, Lord, I accept. Your will be done." On the day her son is buried she goes to the leader of Bobby Bear, and she tells her "I want to come back, Monday. My son is gone. I will not bring him back." I stood there with the remote in my hand and I started to cry. I don't want to rebel, I don't want to allow myself to drag my feet, I don't want to comment. I just want to accept, just as I am accepted by Him.

In days like today, Adonai, I would want to be so many things that I am not. I would like to follow with all my heart and I would want my life to shine before you...But if that is not the case, if here in your waiting room, I started acting like a restless child, I thank you for your kindness, I thank you for correcting me, I thank you for birds and butterflies and rough aunties, who remind me that when I'll get to where you want me, that's the stage that will last.