Nothing is wasted, everything is a lesson learnt even if it is a lesson on how not to be ever again.- Emma's journal"It is because they lead my people the wrong way by saying, "Peace!" when there is no peace. When the people build a weak wall, the prophets cover it with whitewash to make it look strong...I will tear down the wall on which you put whitewash. I will level it to the ground so that people will see the wall's foundation. And when the wall falls, you will be destroyed under it. Then you will know that I am the Lord." Ezekiel 13:10, 14
I am reading the book of Ezekiel these days. It is not a very popular book with many, because they see it as doom and gloom. But I believe it is grossly misunderstood. I love the way God's personality transpires through His words. I see how when He feels something that one emotion doesn't actually control everything. I discover mercy and and love, even though He's angry and hurt. I love the way He's described in His glory even though I struggle to imagine how I can snuggle fire and light. I love His justice, His goodness, the way He uses anything to communicate no matter how ludicrous it might appear, all in the hope "maybe they will listen..." He's really angry with Israel but still I feel a longing after them that makes me cry and I can't explain it even if I would try really hard...
Whilst reading the verses above, I found myself remembering all the ideas and sermons I heard throughout these ten years. Things I really believed in because I trusted the people who said them to me. The way I put my faith in what I heard and how crushed I was and angry with God when they didn't prove to be true...
Ideas such as God punished Job for being afraid and that is why all those terrible things happened to him (he would offer sacrifices after his children's parties "just in case" they sinned against God- Job 1:5) The person who preached this went through a lot of effort to add large quantities of whitewash on the idea by "supporting" it with verses out of context, so to me it appeared like a strong wall. It did however fall to the ground when I realised I was living in fear of being afraid. I had such a twisted image of God because of this idea, simply because it made Him appear like God- The Punisher, sitting somewhere ready to strike at the first glance of fear in my heart. All of the sudden verses that started with "Do not be afraid..." became to me the threats of an angry General instead of the comforting words of a Father. But I am grateful to Abba, for exposing the "foundation of that wall" in spite of all the hurt it caused me, because this made me see how He truly is.
Or ideas such as "the prosperity theory". Reduced to its basics this theory sounds something like this- you give X amount of money and God gives you back more. I am absolutely not saying that is you bless someone, God will not bless you back in return. What I am saying is that "God's bank" does not run solely on a monetary system. God might own "the cattle on a thousand hills" (Psalm 50:10) but what if He chooses to give me a sheep instead? Believe it or not sometimes you will give money and God will give you back a good word from someone when you need it the most, or a verse in the Bible you could honestly say you never saw last time you read that chapter, and that verse will become a treasure to your heart that will support you when you're about to fall. I remember people would turn around to me and tell me things such as "Believe for that amount, do not limit God (as if a human can ever do that). You gave, so God will give you back." In other words "Don't worry, love, He owes you one." So I would focus so much on the amount that I would fail to see the blessings He was actually pouring over my life.
Again, I am not saying if you're in need of money God will not help you. I wrote a posting on this blog on how I ended up with a cheque through the door exactly when I needed it, and this happened more times than I can remember ever since I was a little girl. Even though I grew up in a Christian family, I didn't always follow God. When I was a little girl in communism we didn't always have plenty of food. We were four brothers growing up and I remember once my mum gathered all of us and asked us to pray because we didn't have any more bread. We were praying and someone rang at the door. When my mum answered there was this gentleman with a very large plastic bag. He said his boss who was the manager of a bakery sent the bag to my mum to thank her for something my mum helped her with. When my mum opened the bag it was full of bread, and a variety of other wonderful mouthwatering things. My mum asked God for bread and He sent us a bag full of wonders. I was never able to forget that moment in all of my years of "rebellion". He knows exactly when we need something and He's never late. I guess what I am trying to say is more often than not the "prosperity theory" manages to distract God's children from His beautiful Face to His giving Hand. And not just any type of giving, but giving on our term.
I am not against money at all, I just want to remember that from all of Abba's blessings, money are not the most important and precious one, simply because I can't take them with me when I leave this place.
There are many other ideas I once believed and they proved to be whitewash. I don't believe my faith in these ideas was a negative experience even though many times it proved to be a painful experience. I have learnt many important lessons. Such as, if my heart is sincere, even if the idea or theory is wrong, God in His faithfulness will expose the foundation and make me grow. Because of this, I don't feel threatened by challenging things I hear, or things I don't initially agree with. I give them a fair chance, because I have the freedom to ask questions in order to make decisions I alone have to answer for. One of my most important lessons was question everything you ever hear or see. Go to the original translation, read the whole chapter, verify the historical context, ask God to open your eyes and your mind and only after adopt what you've just heard or seen , if it's still standing up as a theory.
We live in a day and age when ignorance has no excuse. Blaming the preacher for convincing you to believe something is a bit pathetic in my view, considering all the tools at your disposal if you want to know the truth.
I am grateful for the sermons and ideas that caused crisis in my life. In spite of the pain and confusion I felt back then, at the end of every dark tunnel I found myself in Abba's arms and I discovered amazed that as long as my heart is humble and sincere before Him, I simply can't get lost.
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