Realness

Many of us these days are a bit fed up with empty phrases, and long for realness. A bit of something beyond the same songs, same sermons, same old...I discover realness and beauty that blesses me, when I hear people telling me about their relationship with God. They make Him feel so close. I see Him in their eyes shining, in their passionate words, in their blinking eyes that try to hide the moist, in the longing that transpires from them when they speak. I rather hear a child of His "fighting" with Him and asking "why" or "where" or "how", than to be somewhere where people try in vain to convince me of His presence as a Pepsi advert that promises to quench thirst but remains just a banner on a building. One of the real people that I love listening to when she speaks about her relationship with God, is my sister. The only way nothing moves in you is if you are made out of stone or you make yourself be one. I asked for her permission to translate her last posting. Some accused her of "humanising" God too much by relating to Him in this way. I find it bizarre for one to dictate to another how they should love, but then again some people do actually think they know everything in this world better than anyone. What my sister wrote is not for them. It is for those of us who long and miss and stretch a hand wanting to touch and close our eyes wanting to see. It it for those who hunger, who are completely sold out, those whom have tried everything and nothing else satisfies. What my sister wrote is for those who feel unworthy to be loved, for those who feel guilty and ashamed and want to hide. For those who begin to say "Lord..." but they don't know what else to tell Him and really hope that their heart says enough. "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied. " (Matthew 5:6) And know perhaps it is hard for us to get our head around this, but when He came for us He practically did say "I can't be an eternity without you...and you... and you..." Faithful (by Bat Melech, 23 March 2011)

Two Brothers

In my last posting I wrote: "Don't get me wrong, the opposite applies. If you pick on Israel only for the sake of sounding wise yourself, if you present me with the last piece of manipulated BBC news, and then speak things that are completely against God's Word, I won't be quiet. I might ask you a few questions:-)"
It didn't take long until I came across this, and again in church out of all places. It is again about the Law of Moses no longer being valid and Israel being replaced as God's people. So I went back to "Gospel according to Jesus" -Matthew 5-7, to see what my Lord thinks on the matter: "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 5:17-20)

I can already hear some "Emma, why talk about the Law now? You know that's a bit of a sore topic." Why do I care about the Law? God chose Israel to be His people, a nation of priests walking in His holiness and show the light of The One True God to all the world. He gave them the Law to guide them and teach them how to become that. Israel were not born priests. They were meant to become priests. They had to undergo a transformation from a nation of slaves to a nation of priests and the Law was their Teacher. And because God knew them to be "just a little bit stubborn" He also attached drastic consequences for disobeying their Teacher.
Then a Jew came one day. "He came to His own but they did not recognise Him" (John 1:11) He died for all those who would recognise Him as the Son of God. He used His life to teach us and His Blood to adopt us. Through His sacrifice God attached all those who would recognise Him to His family of priests. Here's another Jew (Apostle Peter) telling us what we have now become "But you are a chosen people, royal priests, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession. You were chosen to tell about the wonderful acts of God, who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." (1 Peter 2:9) But I fail to see where exactly have we become this instead of Isreal, rather than with Israel. We were meant to become one family, but we turned against our older brothers and declared them worthless and replaceable. We haunted them down and killed as many as we could for over two thousand years. We haunted them so much, that Israel's obsession became survival at all costs. And now we sit here in awe at "their blindness" asking ourselves how come they can't see Jesus. Oh, they see Jesus, alright. Is just that we made sure for over two millennia they will forever associate His Name with torture, death, assimilation and extermination. As far as they are concerned, Israel's fight for survival carries on today. They fight military for their land and they fight spiritually for their belief in The One True God of Israel. I keep asking those who comment about "their blindness"- "If a Hindu would come to you and try time and time again to drill into you, that one of their gods is the one true god and you will burn in hell for not accepting their god, would you abandon Jesus and go after their god?" As far as that Hindu is concern aren't you just as blind as you accuse that Jew to be? They lived among us for two thousand years but priests and missionaries made sure that generation after generation they knew full well they are the "Christ killers". For a Jew, God is Almighty and All Powerful. Imagine what questions we create in their heads when we tell them our God can be killed by a handful of people in a small Roman province. We sit here and every time we have the Lord's Supper we remember what Jesus did for us. How He chose to die for all of us. And then we get out of our churches to comment on forums about the "Christ killers". Can someone please make up their mind? The Jews got so fed up with this that the worst thing you can be for a Jew today is what they call "a missionary". Someone bent on telling them how blind they are and how they will burn in hell. Of course that doesn't sit well with us because we only look at today's picture and conveniently forget what we did to them in the past.
Apostle Paul associates them with an olive tree which had some of its branches broken off and some wild branches joined instead. He carries on saying: "You non-Jewish people are like the branch of a wild olive tree that has been joined to that first tree. You now share the strength and life of the first tree, the Jews." (Romans 11:17)
Notice he says "you now share" not "you now replace". So if the Law given to Moses is a guide and a teacher to them and we are attached to their roots, should we take notice or dismiss that Law?
If our Lord and Saviour, the Jew who died to attach us to this tree, used such clear words to explain His view on the Law, if He considered the Law something so important in fact, that He made sure He fulfilled it, should we cross off those pages in our Bibles and write next to them not applicable?
I heard some saying that Jesus fulfilled the Law so that we don't have to fulfill it anymore. But then why is He saying "For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished"?
Did He fulfil it so that we would dismiss it for being "oh, so last season", or did He fulfil it so that we would not receive the punishment for breaking it every single time? I know Apostle Paul was eager to dismiss the Law as bringing us punishment. But the same man said: "So the law is holy, and the command is holy and right and good. Does this mean that something that is good brought death to me? No! Sin used something that is good to bring death to me. This happened so that I could see what sin is really like; the command was used to show that sin is very evil." Isn't that what a teacher does? Work on my weak points and develop my strong ones? Should I dismiss the Law only because it shows me my weaknesses? Or should I use what it shows me to ask God to develop that in me and grow me?

These are questions that I had to ask myself a while ago and I found my answers. I pray I will carry on finding them. I am not here to tell anybody what to do. Each one of us who are after God must find their own answers and live by them.

I am also absolutely not here to declare there is any other way to our salvation but Jesus, Son of God. The Law will not save me, but I am now convinced the Law will teach me and transform me into a better child of God. I am convinced because I saw its practical results in my life. What do I mean by a better child of God?
Last night one of my dear friends of mine was asking me some questions about Matthew 5:5 "So, you must be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Jesus's words) In the context Jesus is talking about how we should love our enemies, not just those who love us. That we should be as our Father, who makes His sun shine on the good and the bad. To love your enemy, is a notion as foreign to our human nature as it can be. It goes against all our instincts. It is not something you're born with, it is something you practice every time someone breaks your heart and damages you or those you love. My friend was asking me "Does God expect me to be perfect, Emma? I can't be perfect, surely He knows that."
God knows full well we are not perfect. I don't believe God ever wanted a human delivered to Him with a red ribbon and in perfect shape when He chose us. Otherwise He wouldn't have repeatedly chose outcasts, sinners, unimportant people. He wouldn't have chosen a nation of slaves (a small nation at that) to turn them into a nation of priests. God is in the business of transformation. One of His greatest characteristics (one I love so much) is that He turns evil for good and creates something out of nothing. I don't believe God expects us to be perfect the minute we start walking with Him. The idea of "walking" involves a continuous progressive action. But He certainly does expect us to try every single day. Not because this would make us more acceptable to Him (we are already accepted) but because He knows trying everyday transforms us.
I believe He said "you must" because He knows we are fickle creatures, inconsistent in all our ways and He wanted to install in us a mindset that will not compromise. If I wake up everyday determined to live for God, I might not be perfect by the end of the day but I will certainly try. The Law of Moses, guides us in the smallest detail and it is so clear cut and practical that it is unlikely you would get confused. Why such adversity to it? If it convicts my concience why not choose to take that before God and do something about it, rather than speak against it sometimes with more adversity than it is used when standing against evil?
So when I say a better child of God that is what I mean. A transformed creature, one who understands God's good, pleasing and perfect will.(Romans 12:2) The Bible says we were adopted. When a child is adopted, it comes into a new family which he did not belong to by birth. His new family has house rules, relationships and habits, that the new child as a member of the family at least gets familiarised with even if he chooses not to adopt them. When you say something is no longer valid at least you should know what you dismiss, but I ask my brothers to tell me things from the Law that are no longer valid and they haven't got a clue what to answer me. So how can you dismiss something you don't even know? How can you enter into a family enjoy the benefits and forfeit the house rules and habits. You can't use Israel's promises if you separate yourself from Israel. It is not fine and dandy to cross their name off and add yours instead because Jeremiah 29:11 sounds good to your ears, but Deuteronomy and Leviticus does not.
For those with their stones prepared to throw at me (as it happens every time I write about Israel), I am not publishing your comments because nothing antisemitic will sit next to the name of Israel on my blog. I think my older brothers suffered enough at our hands, to allow their name to be tarnished again on something that is mine. I could debate with you, I could ask you how come you become rude and aggressive when its about them? What makes you react like that? But as I mentioned before this blog is called Road Signs- Emanuela's Journey. It is my journey, my questions and my answers. And it is as simple as if you don't like what you read, don't read it anymore and focus instead on your journey, your questions and your answers.

Emma

"Cover your brother's nakedness"

"For that reason we should stop judging each other. We must make up our minds not to do anything that will make another Christian sin...Do not allow what you think is good to become what others say is evil. In the kingdom of God, eating and drinking are not important. The important things are living right with God, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. Anyone who serves Christ by living this way is pleasing God and will be accepted by other people...So let us try to do what makes peace and helps one another...Your beliefs about these things should be kept secret between you and God." (Romans 14:13-22)

The other day I made the "fatal mistake" of writing these verses in my notebook:

"Others, Lord, yes others
Let this my motto be
Help me to live for others
That I may live for Thee."

Then I went even further by telling God I really meant this and that I want Him to teach me how not to be so selfish with things that are important to me, such as "me time", but to teach me how to love like He loves. I should've known this is the sort of prayer that should have attached to it "Warning! You are now entering dangerous territory!" So it started, of course. It seems like all I come across when I read is "Love, Emma. Forgive as you are being forgiven. Don't judge, My girl, perhaps they don't do it with a mean heart. Perhaps they just don't understand."
It is so easy to sin. Second nature. I don't even have to think about it, it just comes out of me. None of those who truly met God want to sin (by sin I understand what the Bible classes as sin). No matter how "close" or "far away" we are, there is this deep desire planted in us to live for Him as He asks. Bat Melech, my sister:-), has this thing she keeps saying "Emma, cover your brother's nakedness" (Genesis 9:20-27) If I know someone provoked and attacked in what she believes, that's Bat Melech. You can't help it when you stand for Israel like she does, it comes with the territory. But no matter how upset or exasperated she becomes, I hear her "Cover your brother's nakedness" Meaning, if I know a brother or a sister of mine is struggling in a certain area, I don't go and poke exactly in that area only to get a reaction. Or, if I have a conversation with someone and I see they really struggle with something that I say, out of love for them, I should stop. Why bring out the worst in them only to get my point across? They try just as much as I do to keep themselves for the Lord and want just as much as I do to walk in love, so why put a stumbling block in front of them only to make them fall and be judged by people that are already watching them thoroughly from the minute they said "I believe"?

"Cover your brother's nakedness" Don't provoke for the sake of sounding wiser or more "spiritual". A clear example from my life. Many Christians I come in contact with either don't understand Israel and God's relationship with them or they completely misjudge them because of what they've heard being preached. So why go somewhere and say something about Israel only to aggravate my brothers and make them sin by getting angry, judging me, and speaking against something they might not even understand.
Don't get me wrong, the opposite applies. If you pick on Israel only for the sake of sounding wise yourself, if you present me with the last piece of manipulated BBC news, and then speak things that are completely against God's Word, I won't be quiet. I might ask you a few questions:-) But I won't start conversations that I know will lead to someone getting angry and upset only to show how many things I know on the topic. If someone is interested, they can come and ask me and maybe we can have a nice conversation. But if someone comes only interested in provoking, I learnt to smell them from a mile and to be quite frank, Israel is to precious to me to drag it in polemics only to satisfy someone's ego (mine included).

This is just an example, but the principal in itself can be applied to everything in life. Don't cause someone to sin or fall only to show yourself wiser or better. "Cover your brother's nakedness"

Thank you, Bat Melech. You told me this so many times and I failed to see it. I know this is a lesson we are both still learning, because it is hard not to react when someone attacks something that's precious to you. But I've seen you so many times controlling yourself based on this principal and with God's help, I think I get it now. Thank you. xxx

When an answer doesn't come

"John the Baptist was in prison, but he heard about what the Christ was doing. So John sent some of his followers to Jesus. They asked him, "Are you the One who is to come, or should we wait for someone else?"Jesus answered them, "Go tell John what you hear and see: The blind can see, the crippled can walk, and people with skin diseases are healed. The deaf can hear, the dead are raised to life, and the Good News is preached to the poor. Those who do not stumble in their faith because of me are blessed." (Matthew 11:2-6)
"If you throw us into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from the furnace. He will save us from your power, O king. But even if God does not save us, we want you, O king, to know this: We will not serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up." (Daniel 3:17-18)

What do you do when you are in a difficult place, like John was? You do all the right things- you pray, you fast, you keep close watch on your life, you seek the guidance of God and people and weeks later nothing seems to have changed?

What do you do when nagging thoughts keep popping into your mind "Maybe God didn't listen to you. Maybe He's upset with you. I mean He says where two or three gather in His Name, He is there. That if you ask anything in His Name it will be given to you. He either doesn't listen to you because of something you've done, or He's not even real and you're deceiving yourself."

What do you do when Doubt takes you to court for lack of evidence?

Perhaps John was sitting there in Herod's prison thinking "If He is the Messiah, He will get me out of here. I've done everything I had to do. I prepared the way for Him. He will get me out of here." But time passed and there was no sign of Jesus. So perhaps thoughts would come "Where is He? Surely He knows what's happening to me, doesn't He? Or maybe He doesn't. Maybe He's not the Messiah. I'll send someone to check."

So he sends some of his followers to Jesus. John was Jesus's cousin, he was there when the voice was heard from heaven at Jesus's baptism "This is My Son, whom I love; with Him I am well pleased." (Matthew 3:17)
I am surprised Jesus didn't say "Go back to John and tell him. I beg your pardon, John, but where were you on that day? How many times have you seen and heard those things whilst baptising people?" But Jesus doesn't say that. Instead he gives John a long list of the signs and miracles that were happening and then he tells him: "The person who doesn't lose faith because of Me, is blessed." Then Jesus carries on saying to those who witnessed the discussion, that of all those who lived John is the greatest, but that even the least important person in the kingdom of heaven is greater than John. For a long time that remark puzzled me. Why? I mean John literally only lived for God. He gave all his live away to God?
But then I saw something similar at apostle Paul. An almost obsession to make it (Philippians 3:13-14). Why? Because he saw things. He saw miracles, he heard the Lord speaking directly to him, he saw the things to come. When you witness things like those, that increases your responsibility before God. We all crave to see signs and miracles, but what good are miracles if they don't change you forever. If afterwards you end up somewhere asking yourself if all this is real, those signs and miracles were nothing else but displays of power. Jesus perform the most miracles in Korazim, Bethsaida, and Capernaum. Still He ends up saying "I did many miracles in you. If those same miracles had happened in Tyre and Sidon, then the people there would have changed their lives a long time ago. "(Matthew 11:21)

Supernatural deliverance doesn't always achieve the same results as faithful endurance. It's harsh and it's painful but I've seen it in my life and in the life of others around me to be true. God can do the same miracles He did back then, but what's the use if a few months later we end up questioning again?

What I'm learning these days (I don't enjoy this lesson by the way), is that no matter how much I hate endurance, no matter how desperately I want my King to come on a white horse and save me, like John did, this endurance gave birth to something in me. A sort of resolution. It almost pushed me in a corner where I had to choose like Sadrac, Mesac and Abed-Nego (Daniel 3)- if He doesn't come at all will I bow my knee? Will I accept those thoughts as being truth? Will I exchange all I know about God, all that I lived with Him these years just because I've done everything He said and "things don't happen"? And what do I mean by "things don't happen"?
When John asked, Jesus gave him a list as long as his arm of things that were happening, it just wasn't what John wanted to happen...

What do I do when Doubt takes me to court for lack of evidence? I tell it:
"He who vindicates me is near. Who then will bring charges against me? Let us face each other! Who is my accuser? Let him confront me! It is the Sovereign LORD who helps me. Who will condemn me?" (Isaiah 50:8-9)

Why? Because I choose to remember that blessed is he who doesn't lose faith because of the way God works.

Ultra Zionist

Last night I watched on BBC2 a documentary by Louis Theroux called "Ultra Zionist". It was aimed to be a "neutral" opinion on the situation in the West Bank, who according to the international laws belongs to the Palestinians. Theroux was trying to understand why Jews risk their own lives every day to live in an area they're not wanted in, amongst Palestinians, going about their every day life in anti-bullet cars which are stoned every 5 minutes my Palestinians children, to whom this appears to be the main source of entertainment.

I just finished reading the book of Joshua again, so for the daughter of God in me, this was very personal. Why? I know I'm not Jewish, but if I believe that Bible, than I must believe all it contains not just what I want. And if God said for hundreds of years, I will give you that land to be yours forever, I will believe Him. "And I will establish My covenant between Me and you and your descendants after you throughout their generations for an everlasting, solemn pledge, to be a God to you and to your posterity after you.And I will give to you and to your posterity after you the land in which you are a stranger [going from place to place], all the land of Canaan, for an everlasting possession; and I will be their God.^"

Theroux, is a self-confessed atheist. He mentioned it in the documentary last night as well. I can appreciate that there is no way, an individual who doesn't even believe in God would be able to understand what a Jewish heart feels for their land. He asked a Jewish woman holding her child, why she submitted herself and her family to that lifestyle. She simply said "This is home"

I just finished reading in Joshua, how the city of Hebron was given to the tribe of Judah, then it became a city of safety (Joshua 20) or what a Christian would call a city of grace, where you could find refuge if you've done something you didn't mean to, such as accidentally kill a man. You would run there and the people of the city would defend you from those asking you to pay for what you did. Then the city of Hebron was given as a gift to the tribe of Levi, God's priests, and it became a city associated with holiness. Last night I saw Jews being stoned and insulted for trying to live in Hebron. All because the international community decided that is not their land anymore, that it belongs to Palestinians. The only reason, Jews were not lynched in that place was because of Israel Defence Forces (IDF) defending them.

As I mentioned, I am not Israeli and I am not Jewish. I am Romanian and I carry around in my heart responsibility for what my nation did to them when they tried to live as Romanians. We killed hundreds of thousand of them and what we didn't kill we packed up in trains and sent to Hittler as a good will gesture. So if my ancestors kept quiet, I will not. I spend my life asking Jews to forgive my nation. It might not be a lot and it might be very late, but I will not pretend it didn't happen. As a child of God (John 1:12-13) I take a step back and ask myself "What do I stand for-international law or God's Word?"

I am Transilavian. Transilvania is the north west part of Romania, which was under Hungarian occupation for hundreds of years. We were forced to learn their language, sometimes change our names and slave away for Hungarian nobility. That's way on a very small scale, I can understand a Jewish heart. For them, international law coming and telling them that land no longer belongs to them because it was under a different occupation for a long time, means exactly nothing. For a Jewish heart that sounds just as ridiculous as it does for a Transilavian heart if someone would come to tell us we are not Romanians and that is not our land anymore because we were under occupation for a long time. So yeah, I got my answer to my question "What do I stand for?" I stand for Israel and their inheritance- all the land that God promised them: "On that day the LORD made a covenant with Abram and said, “To your descendants I give this land, from the Wadiof Egypt to the great river, the Euphrates— the land of the Kenites, Kenizzites, Kadmonites, Hittites, Perizzites, Rephaites, Amorites, Canaanites, Girgashites and Jebusites.” Genesis 15:18-21)

If this makes me an Ultra Zionist, than that is what I am and I will wear that name with pride. May the Lord bless Israel and keep it strong. The God who chose them will be their Guardian and their Light forever. And as Daniel, an Orthodox Jew, said last night there is nothing the world can do about that.

"I will plant Israel in their own land, never again to be uprooted from the land I have given them,” says the LORD your God." (Amos 9:15)

Now we are free

"Do not treat prophecy as if it were unimportant. But test everything. Keep what is good" 1 Thessalonians 5:20-21, NCV

"I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me." John 15:15, NLT

In 2009 I took a conscious decision to put everything I thought I knew about God and being God's child to one side and start from the beginning by asking questions. Jews believe that a man shows his wisdom not by what he says but by the questions he asks. So, I am questioning everything, especially myself. Just as an example if I say to myself "I am more than conqueror through Christ" (Romans 8), I've trained my mind to ask an immediate question "What does that mean?" If I can't answer myself straight away, I stop right there and start seeking. I always question myself because I want to know what I believe not just believe something because it sounds good. I don't know what this life holds for me. But I know the only way I will stand tall in what I believe is if I understand it. Apostle Peter writes in his first letter to churches "Always be ready to answer everyone who asks you to explain about the hope you have" (1 Peter 3:15) How could I possible answer someone who is asking me why I believe what I believe if I don't understand it myself? And trust me working with lawyers means that I am being asked some difficult questions and they are not the type of people to accept generic phrases.

I wrote once in a blog posting: “I believe being faithful is just as simple as saying always no matter what "I love you, Father. You are the best Daddy in the world." I don't believe it means not doing anything wrong anymore, not sinning anymore and not landing on your face. That will happen no matter how badly you try not to. But faithfulness will make you look to Him always from where ever you landed and believe He is who He says He is and He means all He said, even when you don't have any evidence around you."

Today I asked myself "If you don't believe being faithful means no longer doing anything wrong, or sinning, or falling why did Jesus tell people after forgiving them or healing them "Go and sin no more"? Surely, He knew that being human, that comes with the territory no matter how hard you try?
For many years, I kept thinking somewhere in my heart (I never acknowledged it out loud) that sometimes whilst reading the Gospels it almost looked as if Jesus was contradicting Himself (not to mention Jesus and Paul in his letter to Romans). One day they tell us to rest and stop trying on our own. Then they tell us "sin no more" How on earth am I meant to do that?

Then I saw the movie "10 commandments" from 2006. In the movie, Moses is gathering all the Israelites to go and fight the Amalekites who kept attacking them. Everybody was getting ready for battle, except a young man who was sitting down and looked like he was praying. Moses went to him and asked him what his name was. "Joshua, son of Nun," came, the reply. Moses asked Joshua why he wasn’t getting ready for battle like everybody else and Joshua answered he was waiting for the Lord to fight for Israel, that he will not disobey God by trying to fend for himself. And no matter how much Moses tried to explain to him, Joshua son of Nun, would not move. Some men tried to move him, but Moses shouted: "Let him be. He's still thinking like a slave, not a free man." At that point Joshua grabbed the sword and charged at Moses. After overpowering him, Moses looked straight at Joshua smiling, and told him "You might stand a chance after all."

It's about our minds all the time. The difference between a free man and a slave is the power to choose. One has it, the other one not. A slave will allow things to happen to him, because he thinks he doesn't have a choice. A free man on the other hand, instinctively chooses. You will hear him straight away "I'm not putting up with that." In other words "I choose to get out of this situation." It took the Israelites 40 years to stop thinking as slaves. It takes some people a whole lifetime and sadly some of them leave this place thinking as slaves. Jesus was after our minds all along. "You will know the truth and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32) What truth? That you have a choice. In everything you have a choice. "Do I do that and please myself even though I know it's wrong, or do I say no and keep myself clean? Do I accept God and His ways even if I don't like all of them, or do I reject Him?" This was the truth all along. He made us in His image free from the moment we took our first breath. He did not stretch His arms on that cross so that we would carry on having ours chained.

Jesus said he confided in us as in friends because He told us everything. That He didn't treat us like slaves anymore because of what we now knew. In complete faith Jesus began to treat us as free men before we even did anything with the truth He entrusted us. He treated us as free, because He came to give us our freedom back. Freedom from what? From the mentality "I don't have a choice. I want that and I must get it." Ionel, a friend of mine said to me once "What you have to have, has you." Our freedom gives us the power to say "no". 

Since I mentioned movies, I love a scene from the movie "The Matrix". From the moment Neo's mind was set free, he was told when faced with an agent there was only one thing he could do- run as fast as he could. Basically he was given no choice. One day comes along and he is faced with the much dreaded agents. But instead of running, Neo turns around and begins to fight them. When eventually he tries to escape them, back to his reality, he gets shot. The scene I love depicts Neo, standing up after being shot. Something is dramatically changed in him. The agents begin shooting at him again, but Neo stretches out his palm and says very calmly "NO". The bullets fall to the ground as pebbles.

Apostle Paul said, "Sin is not your master anymore". When tempted, you don't have to follow blindly just because you feel "the need". You can always stretch your palm out and say "No". I believe that is what Jesus meant when He said "Go and sin no more"- "Go and choose to say no" Act like a free man. Change the way you think.

"Where your treasure is..."

"Don't wear yourself out trying to get rich; restrain yourself!" (Proverbs 23:4)

"God Almighty will be your treasure, more wealth than you can imagine. You'll take delight in God, the Mighty One, and look to him joyfully, boldly. You'll pray to him and he'll listen;he'll help you do what you've promised." (Job 22:25-27)

"One day, you will understand that it was worth it. That the day called "I can't anymore" never existed in the first place" (Emma's journal- October 2003)

Yesterday, I posted a comment to the Facebook status of my friend and brother, Tim. He posted a funny comment on how he has lessons to learn but he felt dumb as a bag of hammers (comment from a movie). There were certain comments "admonishing" him, on how he should read Romans 8 and pretty much pull himself together:-) The comments were made as a joke as well.
I told Tim how, even if the status wouldn't be a joke and he would mean it, he is entitled (as we are all) to days when he doesn't feel "fantastic, timtastic, bombastic" (used with Tim's permission:-))))). That there are days when perhaps no amount of Scripture would do anything on that day. That the Scripture will however pick us up when we are ready to move on. That I believe, God allows us to have days like those, without thinking we dismiss any of the gifts that He gave us.

Well, today I came to be tested in what I said. I am not an optimist by nature or a happy personality (as oppose to Tim, who is the one of the happiest characters I met in all my life). I don't know if it's my personality or whether my past experiences made me this way. The point is, every single day I have to wake up early, encourage myself in my God and remind my heart who I am, why I am here and where I am going. I learnt that if I don't do this I'm in trouble that day. Today was different, though. I had thoughts that completely dishearten me "You're 30. You don't have the career you could have, you don't earn the money you could earn. You don't have children, you don't have a mortgage, you don't even drive, for crying out loud. And don't tell yourself "I live for the Lord". Where's your ministry (whatever that means)? What exactly are you doing?" I could feel the tears coming... And they came. But I sat there in silence. I knew I will be defended. And I was. I didn't have to go to Romans 8 (thanks, Phil:-)), Romans 8 came to me:

"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?... No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:31-25, 37-39)

I know how old I am and I'm fine with that. The career and the money and the mortgage are not my priority. I truly believe the verses above from Proverbs and Job. And it's not even blind faith. I saw the lives of people who chased those things. No, thank you. And I also know my life. I am never happier than when I spend time with my Bible looking for my Treasure. I know people and the standards of this world put pressure on us. Sadly, if you tell someone "God is the Blessing of my life", they tend to believe you a lot faster is you have money and success, than if they would look at your life and see the changes in you. I can't do anything about that. All I can do is carry on slowly learning not to be bothered when I am analysed from that perspective.

About "my ministry"...I know where my heart is- His children. I want to encourage His Church in whatever way He will guide me. I want to remind His sons and daughters when they bow their heads who they are, why they are here and where they are going. Always, always bring their eyes back to "the hope that never disappoints or deludes or shames us" (Romans 5:4-5). Those who say gambling is a sin bring a smile on my face. Who else but Christians are the greatest gamblers? We bet everything that we are on seeing His Face one day. And He will not disappoint us.
Now if this desire that's on my heart will ever have a logo, a website and a letterhead or not, I am not too bothered. He brought me from another country in this place, to speak a language that is not my own up to the point I no longer dream in my own language. It costs me something to be here and He knows it. He sees every time I want to run back to my people and I tell my heart to stand still. If I know something is that you never ever give up anything for God's sake without receiving it back a hundred times. It might not be what you expected but you will know it was worth it.

His Emma.