When an answer doesn't come

"John the Baptist was in prison, but he heard about what the Christ was doing. So John sent some of his followers to Jesus. They asked him, "Are you the One who is to come, or should we wait for someone else?"Jesus answered them, "Go tell John what you hear and see: The blind can see, the crippled can walk, and people with skin diseases are healed. The deaf can hear, the dead are raised to life, and the Good News is preached to the poor. Those who do not stumble in their faith because of me are blessed." (Matthew 11:2-6)
"If you throw us into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from the furnace. He will save us from your power, O king. But even if God does not save us, we want you, O king, to know this: We will not serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up." (Daniel 3:17-18)

What do you do when you are in a difficult place, like John was? You do all the right things- you pray, you fast, you keep close watch on your life, you seek the guidance of God and people and weeks later nothing seems to have changed?

What do you do when nagging thoughts keep popping into your mind "Maybe God didn't listen to you. Maybe He's upset with you. I mean He says where two or three gather in His Name, He is there. That if you ask anything in His Name it will be given to you. He either doesn't listen to you because of something you've done, or He's not even real and you're deceiving yourself."

What do you do when Doubt takes you to court for lack of evidence?

Perhaps John was sitting there in Herod's prison thinking "If He is the Messiah, He will get me out of here. I've done everything I had to do. I prepared the way for Him. He will get me out of here." But time passed and there was no sign of Jesus. So perhaps thoughts would come "Where is He? Surely He knows what's happening to me, doesn't He? Or maybe He doesn't. Maybe He's not the Messiah. I'll send someone to check."

So he sends some of his followers to Jesus. John was Jesus's cousin, he was there when the voice was heard from heaven at Jesus's baptism "This is My Son, whom I love; with Him I am well pleased." (Matthew 3:17)
I am surprised Jesus didn't say "Go back to John and tell him. I beg your pardon, John, but where were you on that day? How many times have you seen and heard those things whilst baptising people?" But Jesus doesn't say that. Instead he gives John a long list of the signs and miracles that were happening and then he tells him: "The person who doesn't lose faith because of Me, is blessed." Then Jesus carries on saying to those who witnessed the discussion, that of all those who lived John is the greatest, but that even the least important person in the kingdom of heaven is greater than John. For a long time that remark puzzled me. Why? I mean John literally only lived for God. He gave all his live away to God?
But then I saw something similar at apostle Paul. An almost obsession to make it (Philippians 3:13-14). Why? Because he saw things. He saw miracles, he heard the Lord speaking directly to him, he saw the things to come. When you witness things like those, that increases your responsibility before God. We all crave to see signs and miracles, but what good are miracles if they don't change you forever. If afterwards you end up somewhere asking yourself if all this is real, those signs and miracles were nothing else but displays of power. Jesus perform the most miracles in Korazim, Bethsaida, and Capernaum. Still He ends up saying "I did many miracles in you. If those same miracles had happened in Tyre and Sidon, then the people there would have changed their lives a long time ago. "(Matthew 11:21)

Supernatural deliverance doesn't always achieve the same results as faithful endurance. It's harsh and it's painful but I've seen it in my life and in the life of others around me to be true. God can do the same miracles He did back then, but what's the use if a few months later we end up questioning again?

What I'm learning these days (I don't enjoy this lesson by the way), is that no matter how much I hate endurance, no matter how desperately I want my King to come on a white horse and save me, like John did, this endurance gave birth to something in me. A sort of resolution. It almost pushed me in a corner where I had to choose like Sadrac, Mesac and Abed-Nego (Daniel 3)- if He doesn't come at all will I bow my knee? Will I accept those thoughts as being truth? Will I exchange all I know about God, all that I lived with Him these years just because I've done everything He said and "things don't happen"? And what do I mean by "things don't happen"?
When John asked, Jesus gave him a list as long as his arm of things that were happening, it just wasn't what John wanted to happen...

What do I do when Doubt takes me to court for lack of evidence? I tell it:
"He who vindicates me is near. Who then will bring charges against me? Let us face each other! Who is my accuser? Let him confront me! It is the Sovereign LORD who helps me. Who will condemn me?" (Isaiah 50:8-9)

Why? Because I choose to remember that blessed is he who doesn't lose faith because of the way God works.

Ultra Zionist

Last night I watched on BBC2 a documentary by Louis Theroux called "Ultra Zionist". It was aimed to be a "neutral" opinion on the situation in the West Bank, who according to the international laws belongs to the Palestinians. Theroux was trying to understand why Jews risk their own lives every day to live in an area they're not wanted in, amongst Palestinians, going about their every day life in anti-bullet cars which are stoned every 5 minutes my Palestinians children, to whom this appears to be the main source of entertainment.

I just finished reading the book of Joshua again, so for the daughter of God in me, this was very personal. Why? I know I'm not Jewish, but if I believe that Bible, than I must believe all it contains not just what I want. And if God said for hundreds of years, I will give you that land to be yours forever, I will believe Him. "And I will establish My covenant between Me and you and your descendants after you throughout their generations for an everlasting, solemn pledge, to be a God to you and to your posterity after you.And I will give to you and to your posterity after you the land in which you are a stranger [going from place to place], all the land of Canaan, for an everlasting possession; and I will be their God.^"

Theroux, is a self-confessed atheist. He mentioned it in the documentary last night as well. I can appreciate that there is no way, an individual who doesn't even believe in God would be able to understand what a Jewish heart feels for their land. He asked a Jewish woman holding her child, why she submitted herself and her family to that lifestyle. She simply said "This is home"

I just finished reading in Joshua, how the city of Hebron was given to the tribe of Judah, then it became a city of safety (Joshua 20) or what a Christian would call a city of grace, where you could find refuge if you've done something you didn't mean to, such as accidentally kill a man. You would run there and the people of the city would defend you from those asking you to pay for what you did. Then the city of Hebron was given as a gift to the tribe of Levi, God's priests, and it became a city associated with holiness. Last night I saw Jews being stoned and insulted for trying to live in Hebron. All because the international community decided that is not their land anymore, that it belongs to Palestinians. The only reason, Jews were not lynched in that place was because of Israel Defence Forces (IDF) defending them.

As I mentioned, I am not Israeli and I am not Jewish. I am Romanian and I carry around in my heart responsibility for what my nation did to them when they tried to live as Romanians. We killed hundreds of thousand of them and what we didn't kill we packed up in trains and sent to Hittler as a good will gesture. So if my ancestors kept quiet, I will not. I spend my life asking Jews to forgive my nation. It might not be a lot and it might be very late, but I will not pretend it didn't happen. As a child of God (John 1:12-13) I take a step back and ask myself "What do I stand for-international law or God's Word?"

I am Transilavian. Transilvania is the north west part of Romania, which was under Hungarian occupation for hundreds of years. We were forced to learn their language, sometimes change our names and slave away for Hungarian nobility. That's way on a very small scale, I can understand a Jewish heart. For them, international law coming and telling them that land no longer belongs to them because it was under a different occupation for a long time, means exactly nothing. For a Jewish heart that sounds just as ridiculous as it does for a Transilavian heart if someone would come to tell us we are not Romanians and that is not our land anymore because we were under occupation for a long time. So yeah, I got my answer to my question "What do I stand for?" I stand for Israel and their inheritance- all the land that God promised them: "On that day the LORD made a covenant with Abram and said, “To your descendants I give this land, from the Wadiof Egypt to the great river, the Euphrates— the land of the Kenites, Kenizzites, Kadmonites, Hittites, Perizzites, Rephaites, Amorites, Canaanites, Girgashites and Jebusites.” Genesis 15:18-21)

If this makes me an Ultra Zionist, than that is what I am and I will wear that name with pride. May the Lord bless Israel and keep it strong. The God who chose them will be their Guardian and their Light forever. And as Daniel, an Orthodox Jew, said last night there is nothing the world can do about that.

"I will plant Israel in their own land, never again to be uprooted from the land I have given them,” says the LORD your God." (Amos 9:15)

Now we are free

"Do not treat prophecy as if it were unimportant. But test everything. Keep what is good" 1 Thessalonians 5:20-21, NCV

"I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me." John 15:15, NLT

In 2009 I took a conscious decision to put everything I thought I knew about God and being God's child to one side and start from the beginning by asking questions. Jews believe that a man shows his wisdom not by what he says but by the questions he asks. So, I am questioning everything, especially myself. Just as an example if I say to myself "I am more than conqueror through Christ" (Romans 8), I've trained my mind to ask an immediate question "What does that mean?" If I can't answer myself straight away, I stop right there and start seeking. I always question myself because I want to know what I believe not just believe something because it sounds good. I don't know what this life holds for me. But I know the only way I will stand tall in what I believe is if I understand it. Apostle Peter writes in his first letter to churches "Always be ready to answer everyone who asks you to explain about the hope you have" (1 Peter 3:15) How could I possible answer someone who is asking me why I believe what I believe if I don't understand it myself? And trust me working with lawyers means that I am being asked some difficult questions and they are not the type of people to accept generic phrases.

I wrote once in a blog posting: “I believe being faithful is just as simple as saying always no matter what "I love you, Father. You are the best Daddy in the world." I don't believe it means not doing anything wrong anymore, not sinning anymore and not landing on your face. That will happen no matter how badly you try not to. But faithfulness will make you look to Him always from where ever you landed and believe He is who He says He is and He means all He said, even when you don't have any evidence around you."

Today I asked myself "If you don't believe being faithful means no longer doing anything wrong, or sinning, or falling why did Jesus tell people after forgiving them or healing them "Go and sin no more"? Surely, He knew that being human, that comes with the territory no matter how hard you try?
For many years, I kept thinking somewhere in my heart (I never acknowledged it out loud) that sometimes whilst reading the Gospels it almost looked as if Jesus was contradicting Himself (not to mention Jesus and Paul in his letter to Romans). One day they tell us to rest and stop trying on our own. Then they tell us "sin no more" How on earth am I meant to do that?

Then I saw the movie "10 commandments" from 2006. In the movie, Moses is gathering all the Israelites to go and fight the Amalekites who kept attacking them. Everybody was getting ready for battle, except a young man who was sitting down and looked like he was praying. Moses went to him and asked him what his name was. "Joshua, son of Nun," came, the reply. Moses asked Joshua why he wasn’t getting ready for battle like everybody else and Joshua answered he was waiting for the Lord to fight for Israel, that he will not disobey God by trying to fend for himself. And no matter how much Moses tried to explain to him, Joshua son of Nun, would not move. Some men tried to move him, but Moses shouted: "Let him be. He's still thinking like a slave, not a free man." At that point Joshua grabbed the sword and charged at Moses. After overpowering him, Moses looked straight at Joshua smiling, and told him "You might stand a chance after all."

It's about our minds all the time. The difference between a free man and a slave is the power to choose. One has it, the other one not. A slave will allow things to happen to him, because he thinks he doesn't have a choice. A free man on the other hand, instinctively chooses. You will hear him straight away "I'm not putting up with that." In other words "I choose to get out of this situation." It took the Israelites 40 years to stop thinking as slaves. It takes some people a whole lifetime and sadly some of them leave this place thinking as slaves. Jesus was after our minds all along. "You will know the truth and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32) What truth? That you have a choice. In everything you have a choice. "Do I do that and please myself even though I know it's wrong, or do I say no and keep myself clean? Do I accept God and His ways even if I don't like all of them, or do I reject Him?" This was the truth all along. He made us in His image free from the moment we took our first breath. He did not stretch His arms on that cross so that we would carry on having ours chained.

Jesus said he confided in us as in friends because He told us everything. That He didn't treat us like slaves anymore because of what we now knew. In complete faith Jesus began to treat us as free men before we even did anything with the truth He entrusted us. He treated us as free, because He came to give us our freedom back. Freedom from what? From the mentality "I don't have a choice. I want that and I must get it." Ionel, a friend of mine said to me once "What you have to have, has you." Our freedom gives us the power to say "no". 

Since I mentioned movies, I love a scene from the movie "The Matrix". From the moment Neo's mind was set free, he was told when faced with an agent there was only one thing he could do- run as fast as he could. Basically he was given no choice. One day comes along and he is faced with the much dreaded agents. But instead of running, Neo turns around and begins to fight them. When eventually he tries to escape them, back to his reality, he gets shot. The scene I love depicts Neo, standing up after being shot. Something is dramatically changed in him. The agents begin shooting at him again, but Neo stretches out his palm and says very calmly "NO". The bullets fall to the ground as pebbles.

Apostle Paul said, "Sin is not your master anymore". When tempted, you don't have to follow blindly just because you feel "the need". You can always stretch your palm out and say "No". I believe that is what Jesus meant when He said "Go and sin no more"- "Go and choose to say no" Act like a free man. Change the way you think.

"Where your treasure is..."

"Don't wear yourself out trying to get rich; restrain yourself!" (Proverbs 23:4)

"God Almighty will be your treasure, more wealth than you can imagine. You'll take delight in God, the Mighty One, and look to him joyfully, boldly. You'll pray to him and he'll listen;he'll help you do what you've promised." (Job 22:25-27)

"One day, you will understand that it was worth it. That the day called "I can't anymore" never existed in the first place" (Emma's journal- October 2003)

Yesterday, I posted a comment to the Facebook status of my friend and brother, Tim. He posted a funny comment on how he has lessons to learn but he felt dumb as a bag of hammers (comment from a movie). There were certain comments "admonishing" him, on how he should read Romans 8 and pretty much pull himself together:-) The comments were made as a joke as well.
I told Tim how, even if the status wouldn't be a joke and he would mean it, he is entitled (as we are all) to days when he doesn't feel "fantastic, timtastic, bombastic" (used with Tim's permission:-))))). That there are days when perhaps no amount of Scripture would do anything on that day. That the Scripture will however pick us up when we are ready to move on. That I believe, God allows us to have days like those, without thinking we dismiss any of the gifts that He gave us.

Well, today I came to be tested in what I said. I am not an optimist by nature or a happy personality (as oppose to Tim, who is the one of the happiest characters I met in all my life). I don't know if it's my personality or whether my past experiences made me this way. The point is, every single day I have to wake up early, encourage myself in my God and remind my heart who I am, why I am here and where I am going. I learnt that if I don't do this I'm in trouble that day. Today was different, though. I had thoughts that completely dishearten me "You're 30. You don't have the career you could have, you don't earn the money you could earn. You don't have children, you don't have a mortgage, you don't even drive, for crying out loud. And don't tell yourself "I live for the Lord". Where's your ministry (whatever that means)? What exactly are you doing?" I could feel the tears coming... And they came. But I sat there in silence. I knew I will be defended. And I was. I didn't have to go to Romans 8 (thanks, Phil:-)), Romans 8 came to me:

"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?... No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:31-25, 37-39)

I know how old I am and I'm fine with that. The career and the money and the mortgage are not my priority. I truly believe the verses above from Proverbs and Job. And it's not even blind faith. I saw the lives of people who chased those things. No, thank you. And I also know my life. I am never happier than when I spend time with my Bible looking for my Treasure. I know people and the standards of this world put pressure on us. Sadly, if you tell someone "God is the Blessing of my life", they tend to believe you a lot faster is you have money and success, than if they would look at your life and see the changes in you. I can't do anything about that. All I can do is carry on slowly learning not to be bothered when I am analysed from that perspective.

About "my ministry"...I know where my heart is- His children. I want to encourage His Church in whatever way He will guide me. I want to remind His sons and daughters when they bow their heads who they are, why they are here and where they are going. Always, always bring their eyes back to "the hope that never disappoints or deludes or shames us" (Romans 5:4-5). Those who say gambling is a sin bring a smile on my face. Who else but Christians are the greatest gamblers? We bet everything that we are on seeing His Face one day. And He will not disappoint us.
Now if this desire that's on my heart will ever have a logo, a website and a letterhead or not, I am not too bothered. He brought me from another country in this place, to speak a language that is not my own up to the point I no longer dream in my own language. It costs me something to be here and He knows it. He sees every time I want to run back to my people and I tell my heart to stand still. If I know something is that you never ever give up anything for God's sake without receiving it back a hundred times. It might not be what you expected but you will know it was worth it.

His Emma.

Faithfulness

"And endurance (fortitude) develops maturity of character (approved faith and tried integrity). And character [of this sort] produces [the habit of]joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation." (Romans 5:4, AMP)

"You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way...Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life." (James 1:4,12 TM)

Last night I met with some dear friends of mine I didn't see in almost a year (shame on me). We were catching up on were we are in our lives, as you do. One of my friends, Hanna, really inspired me by what she shared with us. She grew a lot as a person and as a follower of Jesus and it blessed my heart to hear her. She was sharing on how the only way to actually move on and grow is to accept God for who He is. That even when you are at the bottom of the pit, you must look around you and do your best with what you have, believing God knows what He's doing even if it doesn't make sense to you. She made me remember Job, in his worst hour when he was trying to understand why is his life falling apart:
"Job's wife said to him, "Why are you trying to stay innocent? Curse God and die!"
Job answered, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Should we take only good things from God and not trouble?" In spite of all this Job did not sin in what he said." (Job 2:9-10, NCV)

I remember 2010...Hmmm...What a year!How many lessons! I was reading through my journal from last year and came across phrases like "Normally I would dread times like these, because I don't like what I become under all this pressure. I would sit there and ask Adonai in every way I would know how, to get me out of that situation, to make it stop... This time I don't for some reason. All I know is that He knows what He's doing." Sometimes in school I had to learn lesson I didn't like and I couldn't possibly see how they will help me in my future. Perhaps they did, perhaps they didn't. What matters is that school per all developed me into the thinking reasoning creature that I am today. I suppose I always had the determination to make it through challenging times, what didn't help me was my thought process at the time. What you tell yourself in difficult situations makes the difference between crushing or standing tall. I learnt from King David the concept of encouraging yourself in the Lord. Our spoken words have power and I don't mean just the spiritual concept. Tell yourself long enough that you are an idiot and one day you'll realise that's probably the second thing you tell someone about yourself.

What does it mean to encourage yourself in the Lord? I think it means you make a decision when faced with difficult situations to either comment on your own persona and the situation itself or to tell yourself about the Lord: " Adonai, I know You are a good merciful God . I know nothing escapes You, I know nothing takes You by surprise. I know You will take care of this as well, just as You did with other things in the past."
This is what King David did all over the Psalms- he talked to his soul and he reminded himself whom his God was.
But in order to be able to do this you must believe what His Word says is true and that He means every word He says. That He always remains the same and He is not confused about what He wants from us as to change His mind every 500 years.

I always thought being faithful to God implies some sort of complicated theological concept which if I try hard enough I might understand some day, or perhaps striving to live a spotless life.
We are meant to seek to live a blameless life. You can't walk with God and carry on living the same way you always did. You can't take John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son..." and dismiss Jesus's words "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." (Matthew 5:48) It doesn't work like that.
I believe Jesus meant every word He said. But at the same time He called us to join Him, for His burden is light and His yoke is easy" (Matthew 11:30) He called us to Him because He knew His presence in our lives changes us. The perfection He's talking about is a "side effect" of living with God. I will forever stand for God's love and forgiveness and mercy. Anyone who knows the way I ended up walking with Him knows, I would be literally be dead without them. But at the same time I don't want to forget He also said: "Those who know my commands and obey them are the ones who love me" (John 14:21 NVC)

Hanna, was telling us how she came to understand some of God's feelings whilst observing her children "I love you, mummy, you are the best mummy in the world" and then when they would not get what they want "I hate you, mummy!"

I believe being faithful is just as simple as saying always no matter what "I love you, Abba. You are the best Daddy in the world." I don't believe it means not doing anything wrong anymore, not sinning anymore and not landing on your face. That will happen no matter how badly you try not to. But faithfulness will make you look to Him always from where ever you landed and believe He is who He says He is and He means all He said, even when you don't have any evidence around you.

Emanuela. xxx

This is one of my favourite songs of all times. One of the first ones I learnt. It's sang by Marty Goetz, a Messianic Jew. The majority of his songs are King David's Psalms on music. At the end of this song he recites The Shema (Deuteronomy 6:4)

Overcoming one

"Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance."

I found myself last night thanking God for the difficult lessons of the past. I told Him, I can see their purpose now. I'm changed, I don't react the same way anymore when faced with hardship, I don't have the same thoughts and as a result I have a completely different mindset.

I had a conversation with Daniel yesterday about the completeness we receive when we accept God's salvation. I believe on that day, with God's Spirit, we receive everything we need in order to succeed in this walk against the river. It is very hard. If anybody tells you otherwise they're lying to you. The majority of the world goes in one direction and you willingly choose to go the opposite way whilst pretty much everybody, including a big part of yourself tells you you're mad for even trying.

I was a big "party animal" and the majority of my friends were convinced I will go to my grave hugging my bottle of wine. It makes me laugh these days when I see the reaction on people's faces when I tell them I'm not drinking alcohol, that my greatest vice on the beverage front is Red Bull. It was not easy getting here, though. For many years I was convinced I won't have fun without a drink because that's what's being advertised all around me and that's what I believed. However, I am convinced that on the day I accepted God as the Lord of my life (The One in charge), I was given everything I need to succeed, I just didn't know what to do with what I've been given. All of the sudden when confronted with a situation my heart was prompting me: "There's another way, Emma. You don't have to do the same things you've always done." As if in front of everything my eyes were open to a new world where what I felt or "was in the mood for" did not have to be in charge of my actions. Where I had the power to choose and follow through in my choice no matter how much I felt otherwise. Of course in didn't work everytime. But I learnt I am an overcomer by being triumphant in my hard times. And the first step in being triumphant is deciding there's no way back, that I am now on this path and I will not quit no matter what!

Once the decision was made in my heart like bullets shot my way hard times came along. At first my gut reaction was to feel disappointed "God, is this fair?After all I've given up for Your sake, after all the effort I put into it?" And then I read in a book "I did not say this world was fair, I said I am." I saw the point, but I was not impressed so I became miserable. I was one of the most miserable Christians you could see around. I am surprised they didn't change the bumper sticker from "Smile, Jesus loves you" to "Smile for crying out loud, Jesus loves you!"
But I didn't quit and now a day came along when I stopped seeing hard times as God punishing me for not doing good, and started seeing them as my training ground.

"He makes my feet like hinds' feet [able to stand firmly or make progress on the dangerous heights of testing and trouble]; He sets me securely upon my high places. He teaches my hands to war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.You have also given me the shield of Your salvation, and Your right hand has held me up; Your gentleness and condescension have made me great. You have given plenty of room for my steps under me, that my feet would not slip." Psalm 18:33-36

Now my hard times are my teachers. If I don't stand through one of them, if it knocks me down, in a way that might seems strange to others, I am almost looking forward to the next one, even more determined to choose well. "Hardship produces patience and unswerving endurance."
After listening to my frustrated comments on how I am losing patience and react when I shouldn't, my sister once said to me "Emma, you're not born patient and gentle, you become patient and gentle by enduring through trials."

Even though on the day we accept Him, God gives us everything we need to succeed, we don't automatically become overcomers. We become that by not quiting and trying again. On 10th May this year I wrote a posting on my blog called "Don't give up!" The last paragraph describes one of the greatest moments of my walk with God:

"If you carry on no matter what, you already won because you can't be stopped. Hell knows that, and Heaven knows that. It's an amazing day when you understand that. On that day you become, overcoming one and you keep this name for as long as you don't give up!"

Joyfulness

"Through Him also we have [our] access by faith into this grace (state of God's favor) in which we [firmly and safely] stand. And let us rejoice and exult in our hope of experiencing and enjoying the glory of God." (Romans 5:2, Amplified Bible

In their song "Alive", POD declare "It's beyond my control, sometimes is best to let go whatever happens in this lifetime. So I trust in Love, You have given me peace of mind." For a long time in my life I struggled in my walk with God, because some days I would try to live absolutely for Him, in a world that absolutely denies His existence, and in others I would want to do my own thing. I kept telling my husband "I am exhausted, I feel like I'm trying to bring together in me two worlds that do not seem to want to co-exist." And then one day I realised it will never happen, that I have to choose one and stick with it. So I let go to this world's expectations over my life. Some of us are simply not meant to be in a 9-5 job for the rest of our lives, have a mortgage, two cars, two kids and a cat. Some of us were simply not meant to climb the ladder to the top, stay there for twenty years, gather a good pension fund and a gold watch upon retirement. I am not saying this is something to look down upon. Far from it, since this was my dream for many years. But it seemed as if the more I wanted it, the more I fought to get it and the harder I worked for it, the further away I would feel from God. He would no longer have the best of me, this was consecrated to my career. God would get what my exhaustion would allow. So I dropped it. I don't know why I felt that way. Many many people follow Him devoutly and manage to have a successful career. That was not my case and I don't want it at the expense of anything that I now have with God. I am even more convinced of this lately, since I am working overtime quite a lot to save some money for a big event we'll have in our family. I can't see myself doing this for years for the sake of a better salary and a nod of approval from someone when they hear my job title. I was chatting the other week with some colleagues at work. One of them was saying how much they would like to step into management, another was saying how hard they worked to have their own house, that nobody could take their house from them unless they would take them down with it. I had to be honest with them and tell them I am not interested in management, that I already tried it and it didn't do anything for me. And I am not interested in a mortgage because I live as if I am in a bus station, ready to go any minute to another location where I would be needed. They looked at me as if I fell from another planet, but what they couldn't possibly understand is the freedom I live in. I've got nothing here that can be taken away from me. In 2003, one of the most difficult years of my life so far, I wrote in my notebook: "What I have in God is far greater than anything I don't have in this life." And if I would have to put in words this freedom that I feel , that is how it would sound. The source of my joy is that no matter what I have or don't have, no matter what I am or what I would become, at the end of it I will see God. People don't like to talk about the end because the majority of them are reminded of everything they will have to let go on that day. We all saw a coffin- you can't fit to much in there.

Last month, Daniel had a concert in Ireland and also visited a few churches. On the evening when he returned home he was telling me for almost an hour about this church in Belfast with this amazing building, in this amazing location where only the lights system costed £80,000. He was telling me of the glam and glitz of that place and all I could see was an earthquake or a flood. One of the saddest things I can see is big church buildings where they forked millions "to be relevant" to a world that hungers for significance, meaning, love, friendship and understanding. Yeshua said: "Do not gather and heap up and store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust and worm consume and destroy, and where thieves break through and steal. But gather and heap up and store for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust nor worm consume and destroy, and where thieves do not break through and steal; For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." Matthew 6:19-21

Am I against money and having nice things? Absolutely not. What I am against is their desperate attempt to take the central place that belongs to God, and the high success rate they seem to have amongst His followers. He came to set us free from all this. And you know you are free when you look at everything and everyone around you and realise that if something or someone would be taken away from you, you could carry on living and following God. If however, the thought of losing something or someone throws you into a black hole and turns God into the Punisher, I believe you are not free no matter what you tell yourself.

The freedom that He came to bring has no fear in it, of anything. It's pure joy in its essence and its foundation is as unshakable and eternal as God Himself. Because when you no longer hold on to this world, this world can no longer have a hold on you.