So, I keep going...

I woke up this morning at 5,30, as I usually do these days, with a desparate desire to tell Him how I feel.
If I look inside myself these last few weeks everything is a contradiction. I feel defeated, yet I know I'm not. I doubt and yet I see Him doing again things I can't deny. I feel lost but somehow at the same time I feel held tight like in a warm snuggle.

So, in trying to describe all this to Him, I manage to write my first poem. It's in English so bare with me. Anyone who knows me is aware I am mentally incapable of riming:-) I am sharing this with you for all those who feel the same conflict I described above. As always, my message is the same- you are not alone. And something else, He knows...He knows how hard it is, so close your eyes, take a deep breath and keep going.

So I keep going

Surprised by joy, amazed by grace
I walk this path of mine
And I am struggling everyday
Between the mundane and devine

Once in a while I see Your Face
I stretch my hand- You're gone
I die a little bit inside
Still, know I'm not alone...

I tell myself "Do not give up!
He didn't- for your sake.
Keep going, daughter, you'll be fine
There is a purpose to this race."

So, I keep going, though I'm not fine
And though I ache inside...
Because You said I have a place
That Your home's also mine."

Bat Tzion