Monday 13 March 2017

I'm done with running


"I'm free! I'm free!" my heart is screaming
While anchors hold me down
From under waves that push me under
I pray "Don't let me drown!"

Running is what has brought me here
Running from the me I hide
I thought the running will surely prove it
That she is gone and that she died.

But she's not gone, she's still pursuing
My days, my dreams, the boat I sailed
Through pouring clouds of guilt and pain
I heard "I'm here and you failed!"

"You are not me!" I shouted
And then jumped overboard
I rather drown a thousand times
Than be like her again, dear Lord.

I know I'm not Your Jonah
I don't expect a fish
I just know that these murky waters
Are not Your plan, nor my true wish.

"What do you want, My girl?" I hear You
"Why all this pointless endless running?
Can you not see at all, My daughter?
I made you free and yet you're dying."

"You're free! You're free!", I hear You whisper
There's nothing wrong with you
You are just learning and you're growing
My girl, you are not split in two!

Yes, you still fall and yes, you're failing
But in all that there's nothing wrong
The falling teaches you to stand
And failing's teaching you a new song."

I hear that song while You are speaking
And it keeps saying that I'm free
That one like me should not be running
That there's no split of "her and me".

So I rise up from underneath
And swim back to the shore
And I embrace the me I was scorning
For now I know she makes me whole.

And we will overcome together
What's haunting her and makes me run.
They thought they'll make us hate each other
But we are one or we are none!


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