"Promises had been made and exchanged- he to serve the Lord all the days of his life, and God never to forsake Him." Child of Promise, Kathleen Morgan
"Never leave you nor forsake you...though the mountains may fall and the hills be removed..." Hebrews 13:5, Isaiah 54:10
When I got baptised it was the beginning of spring and I was wearing what once used to be the wedding dress of a sister from the church. Long, white and simple. They all came that day to witness my wedding with God. I, the one who once completely turned my back on Him and refused to have anything to do with Him, I was making vows involving the rest of my life. I was so happy and proud.
Still, I had little idea what was in fact happening on that day.
I started writing and keeping what I call my "Road signs" in 2003, a year later. If one were to read them they will soon notice a very familiar pattern emerging again and again and again...
Me, focusing with all my might on my vows- to follow and serve the Lord all the days of life and most often than not failing miserably.
Him, telling me and showing me in a million ways- "never leave you nor forsake you though the mountains may fall and the hills be removed."
Me, not understanding and not hearing Him or thinking He meant something else.
Him, patiently repeating it again and again and again...
I am married to a foreigner and half of the ones I love come from a different culture, traditions, way of thinking and most importantly a different language. But I made vows to my foreigner.
It dawned on me today that it is the same with God and I. We are from different worlds. He speaks another language and sees things differently than I do but we made vows involving eternity.
I had so little idea what was really happening on that day. It was a day of celebration. It all seemed to be about me- my choice, my joy, my white dress, my vows.
I realised today that this carried on for years to follow and was the source of much pain and doubt- my failures, my mistakes, my apparent inability to follow and serve. And I forgot something major. A wedding day is not just about the bride, her joy or her white dress. It is about the bride and the groom and their vows.
I was so focused on my vows that I forgot about His. And our vows are the strength of everything God and I are as a couple.
My vows say I will follow and serve and I break them so often that I stopped counting. If we are to make it back home we all have to stop counting at some point. Apostle Paul said "I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes." 1 Corinthians 4:3-5
So I am not counting anymore. I declare it a futile, useless, self-defeating habit for two reasons. Firstly, when I do it my perspective is limited again to my vows and my failure to keep them. The whole thing is once again all about me and my bridezilla moment.
Secondly, it is not only I who made vows on that day. God made vows to me. And who knows maybe at the end of it all, if I stay married to Him, He will judge us as a couple. He will not only judge my failures, my mistakes and my apparent inability to follow but He will also judge His commitment to never ever leave me, His commitment to make me stand until the end no matter what.
We are from different worlds and many times we speak a different language. But if I learnt something from being married to a foreigner is that this can be a great blessing rather than a hindrance.
I can tell God about all the pain and the joys of being human and He can show me in a million ways the beauty and the sheer perfection of His world.
I lost faith many times that this marriage will work but something happened to me today. For the first time I remembered our vows rather than my vows. I think God and I will make it as a couple:-)
