Overcoming one

"Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance."

I found myself last night thanking God for the difficult lessons of the past. I told Him, I can see their purpose now. I'm changed, I don't react the same way anymore when faced with hardship, I don't have the same thoughts and as a result I have a completely different mindset.

I had a conversation with Daniel yesterday about the completeness we receive when we accept God's salvation. I believe on that day, with God's Spirit, we receive everything we need in order to succeed in this walk against the river. It is very hard. If anybody tells you otherwise they're lying to you. The majority of the world goes in one direction and you willingly choose to go the opposite way whilst pretty much everybody, including a big part of yourself tells you you're mad for even trying.

I was a big "party animal" and the majority of my friends were convinced I will go to my grave hugging my bottle of wine. It makes me laugh these days when I see the reaction on people's faces when I tell them I'm not drinking alcohol, that my greatest vice on the beverage front is Red Bull. It was not easy getting here, though. For many years I was convinced I won't have fun without a drink because that's what's being advertised all around me and that's what I believed. However, I am convinced that on the day I accepted God as the Lord of my life (The One in charge), I was given everything I need to succeed, I just didn't know what to do with what I've been given. All of the sudden when confronted with a situation my heart was prompting me: "There's another way, Emma. You don't have to do the same things you've always done." As if in front of everything my eyes were open to a new world where what I felt or "was in the mood for" did not have to be in charge of my actions. Where I had the power to choose and follow through in my choice no matter how much I felt otherwise. Of course in didn't work everytime. But I learnt I am an overcomer by being triumphant in my hard times. And the first step in being triumphant is deciding there's no way back, that I am now on this path and I will not quit no matter what!

Once the decision was made in my heart like bullets shot my way hard times came along. At first my gut reaction was to feel disappointed "God, is this fair?After all I've given up for Your sake, after all the effort I put into it?" And then I read in a book "I did not say this world was fair, I said I am." I saw the point, but I was not impressed so I became miserable. I was one of the most miserable Christians you could see around. I am surprised they didn't change the bumper sticker from "Smile, Jesus loves you" to "Smile for crying out loud, Jesus loves you!"
But I didn't quit and now a day came along when I stopped seeing hard times as God punishing me for not doing good, and started seeing them as my training ground.

"He makes my feet like hinds' feet [able to stand firmly or make progress on the dangerous heights of testing and trouble]; He sets me securely upon my high places. He teaches my hands to war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.You have also given me the shield of Your salvation, and Your right hand has held me up; Your gentleness and condescension have made me great. You have given plenty of room for my steps under me, that my feet would not slip." Psalm 18:33-36

Now my hard times are my teachers. If I don't stand through one of them, if it knocks me down, in a way that might seems strange to others, I am almost looking forward to the next one, even more determined to choose well. "Hardship produces patience and unswerving endurance."
After listening to my frustrated comments on how I am losing patience and react when I shouldn't, my sister once said to me "Emma, you're not born patient and gentle, you become patient and gentle by enduring through trials."

Even though on the day we accept Him, God gives us everything we need to succeed, we don't automatically become overcomers. We become that by not quiting and trying again. On 10th May this year I wrote a posting on my blog called "Don't give up!" The last paragraph describes one of the greatest moments of my walk with God:

"If you carry on no matter what, you already won because you can't be stopped. Hell knows that, and Heaven knows that. It's an amazing day when you understand that. On that day you become, overcoming one and you keep this name for as long as you don't give up!"

Joyfulness

"Through Him also we have [our] access by faith into this grace (state of God's favor) in which we [firmly and safely] stand. And let us rejoice and exult in our hope of experiencing and enjoying the glory of God." (Romans 5:2, Amplified Bible

In their song "Alive", POD declare "It's beyond my control, sometimes is best to let go whatever happens in this lifetime. So I trust in Love, You have given me peace of mind." For a long time in my life I struggled in my walk with God, because some days I would try to live absolutely for Him, in a world that absolutely denies His existence, and in others I would want to do my own thing. I kept telling my husband "I am exhausted, I feel like I'm trying to bring together in me two worlds that do not seem to want to co-exist." And then one day I realised it will never happen, that I have to choose one and stick with it. So I let go to this world's expectations over my life. Some of us are simply not meant to be in a 9-5 job for the rest of our lives, have a mortgage, two cars, two kids and a cat. Some of us were simply not meant to climb the ladder to the top, stay there for twenty years, gather a good pension fund and a gold watch upon retirement. I am not saying this is something to look down upon. Far from it, since this was my dream for many years. But it seemed as if the more I wanted it, the more I fought to get it and the harder I worked for it, the further away I would feel from God. He would no longer have the best of me, this was consecrated to my career. God would get what my exhaustion would allow. So I dropped it. I don't know why I felt that way. Many many people follow Him devoutly and manage to have a successful career. That was not my case and I don't want it at the expense of anything that I now have with God. I am even more convinced of this lately, since I am working overtime quite a lot to save some money for a big event we'll have in our family. I can't see myself doing this for years for the sake of a better salary and a nod of approval from someone when they hear my job title. I was chatting the other week with some colleagues at work. One of them was saying how much they would like to step into management, another was saying how hard they worked to have their own house, that nobody could take their house from them unless they would take them down with it. I had to be honest with them and tell them I am not interested in management, that I already tried it and it didn't do anything for me. And I am not interested in a mortgage because I live as if I am in a bus station, ready to go any minute to another location where I would be needed. They looked at me as if I fell from another planet, but what they couldn't possibly understand is the freedom I live in. I've got nothing here that can be taken away from me. In 2003, one of the most difficult years of my life so far, I wrote in my notebook: "What I have in God is far greater than anything I don't have in this life." And if I would have to put in words this freedom that I feel , that is how it would sound. The source of my joy is that no matter what I have or don't have, no matter what I am or what I would become, at the end of it I will see God. People don't like to talk about the end because the majority of them are reminded of everything they will have to let go on that day. We all saw a coffin- you can't fit to much in there.

Last month, Daniel had a concert in Ireland and also visited a few churches. On the evening when he returned home he was telling me for almost an hour about this church in Belfast with this amazing building, in this amazing location where only the lights system costed £80,000. He was telling me of the glam and glitz of that place and all I could see was an earthquake or a flood. One of the saddest things I can see is big church buildings where they forked millions "to be relevant" to a world that hungers for significance, meaning, love, friendship and understanding. Yeshua said: "Do not gather and heap up and store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust and worm consume and destroy, and where thieves break through and steal. But gather and heap up and store for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust nor worm consume and destroy, and where thieves do not break through and steal; For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." Matthew 6:19-21

Am I against money and having nice things? Absolutely not. What I am against is their desperate attempt to take the central place that belongs to God, and the high success rate they seem to have amongst His followers. He came to set us free from all this. And you know you are free when you look at everything and everyone around you and realise that if something or someone would be taken away from you, you could carry on living and following God. If however, the thought of losing something or someone throws you into a black hole and turns God into the Punisher, I believe you are not free no matter what you tell yourself.

The freedom that He came to bring has no fear in it, of anything. It's pure joy in its essence and its foundation is as unshakable and eternal as God Himself. Because when you no longer hold on to this world, this world can no longer have a hold on you.