Overcoming one

"Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance."

I found myself last night thanking God for the difficult lessons of the past. I told Him, I can see their purpose now. I'm changed, I don't react the same way anymore when faced with hardship, I don't have the same thoughts and as a result I have a completely different mindset.

I had a conversation with Daniel yesterday about the completeness we receive when we accept God's salvation. I believe on that day, with God's Spirit, we receive everything we need in order to succeed in this walk against the river. It is very hard. If anybody tells you otherwise they're lying to you. The majority of the world goes in one direction and you willingly choose to go the opposite way whilst pretty much everybody, including a big part of yourself tells you you're mad for even trying.

I was a big "party animal" and the majority of my friends were convinced I will go to my grave hugging my bottle of wine. It makes me laugh these days when I see the reaction on people's faces when I tell them I'm not drinking alcohol, that my greatest vice on the beverage front is Red Bull. It was not easy getting here, though. For many years I was convinced I won't have fun without a drink because that's what's being advertised all around me and that's what I believed. However, I am convinced that on the day I accepted God as the Lord of my life (The One in charge), I was given everything I need to succeed, I just didn't know what to do with what I've been given. All of the sudden when confronted with a situation my heart was prompting me: "There's another way, Emma. You don't have to do the same things you've always done." As if in front of everything my eyes were open to a new world where what I felt or "was in the mood for" did not have to be in charge of my actions. Where I had the power to choose and follow through in my choice no matter how much I felt otherwise. Of course in didn't work everytime. But I learnt I am an overcomer by being triumphant in my hard times. And the first step in being triumphant is deciding there's no way back, that I am now on this path and I will not quit no matter what!

Once the decision was made in my heart like bullets shot my way hard times came along. At first my gut reaction was to feel disappointed "God, is this fair?After all I've given up for Your sake, after all the effort I put into it?" And then I read in a book "I did not say this world was fair, I said I am." I saw the point, but I was not impressed so I became miserable. I was one of the most miserable Christians you could see around. I am surprised they didn't change the bumper sticker from "Smile, Jesus loves you" to "Smile for crying out loud, Jesus loves you!"
But I didn't quit and now a day came along when I stopped seeing hard times as God punishing me for not doing good, and started seeing them as my training ground.

"He makes my feet like hinds' feet [able to stand firmly or make progress on the dangerous heights of testing and trouble]; He sets me securely upon my high places. He teaches my hands to war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.You have also given me the shield of Your salvation, and Your right hand has held me up; Your gentleness and condescension have made me great. You have given plenty of room for my steps under me, that my feet would not slip." Psalm 18:33-36

Now my hard times are my teachers. If I don't stand through one of them, if it knocks me down, in a way that might seems strange to others, I am almost looking forward to the next one, even more determined to choose well. "Hardship produces patience and unswerving endurance."
After listening to my frustrated comments on how I am losing patience and react when I shouldn't, my sister once said to me "Emma, you're not born patient and gentle, you become patient and gentle by enduring through trials."

Even though on the day we accept Him, God gives us everything we need to succeed, we don't automatically become overcomers. We become that by not quiting and trying again. On 10th May this year I wrote a posting on my blog called "Don't give up!" The last paragraph describes one of the greatest moments of my walk with God:

"If you carry on no matter what, you already won because you can't be stopped. Hell knows that, and Heaven knows that. It's an amazing day when you understand that. On that day you become, overcoming one and you keep this name for as long as you don't give up!"

Joyfulness

"Through Him also we have [our] access by faith into this grace (state of God's favor) in which we [firmly and safely] stand. And let us rejoice and exult in our hope of experiencing and enjoying the glory of God." (Romans 5:2, Amplified Bible

In their song "Alive", POD declare "It's beyond my control, sometimes is best to let go whatever happens in this lifetime. So I trust in Love, You have given me peace of mind." For a long time in my life I struggled in my walk with God, because some days I would try to live absolutely for Him, in a world that absolutely denies His existence, and in others I would want to do my own thing. I kept telling my husband "I am exhausted, I feel like I'm trying to bring together in me two worlds that do not seem to want to co-exist." And then one day I realised it will never happen, that I have to choose one and stick with it. So I let go to this world's expectations over my life. Some of us are simply not meant to be in a 9-5 job for the rest of our lives, have a mortgage, two cars, two kids and a cat. Some of us were simply not meant to climb the ladder to the top, stay there for twenty years, gather a good pension fund and a gold watch upon retirement. I am not saying this is something to look down upon. Far from it, since this was my dream for many years. But it seemed as if the more I wanted it, the more I fought to get it and the harder I worked for it, the further away I would feel from God. He would no longer have the best of me, this was consecrated to my career. God would get what my exhaustion would allow. So I dropped it. I don't know why I felt that way. Many many people follow Him devoutly and manage to have a successful career. That was not my case and I don't want it at the expense of anything that I now have with God. I am even more convinced of this lately, since I am working overtime quite a lot to save some money for a big event we'll have in our family. I can't see myself doing this for years for the sake of a better salary and a nod of approval from someone when they hear my job title. I was chatting the other week with some colleagues at work. One of them was saying how much they would like to step into management, another was saying how hard they worked to have their own house, that nobody could take their house from them unless they would take them down with it. I had to be honest with them and tell them I am not interested in management, that I already tried it and it didn't do anything for me. And I am not interested in a mortgage because I live as if I am in a bus station, ready to go any minute to another location where I would be needed. They looked at me as if I fell from another planet, but what they couldn't possibly understand is the freedom I live in. I've got nothing here that can be taken away from me. In 2003, one of the most difficult years of my life so far, I wrote in my notebook: "What I have in God is far greater than anything I don't have in this life." And if I would have to put in words this freedom that I feel , that is how it would sound. The source of my joy is that no matter what I have or don't have, no matter what I am or what I would become, at the end of it I will see God. People don't like to talk about the end because the majority of them are reminded of everything they will have to let go on that day. We all saw a coffin- you can't fit to much in there.

Last month, Daniel had a concert in Ireland and also visited a few churches. On the evening when he returned home he was telling me for almost an hour about this church in Belfast with this amazing building, in this amazing location where only the lights system costed £80,000. He was telling me of the glam and glitz of that place and all I could see was an earthquake or a flood. One of the saddest things I can see is big church buildings where they forked millions "to be relevant" to a world that hungers for significance, meaning, love, friendship and understanding. Yeshua said: "Do not gather and heap up and store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust and worm consume and destroy, and where thieves break through and steal. But gather and heap up and store for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust nor worm consume and destroy, and where thieves do not break through and steal; For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." Matthew 6:19-21

Am I against money and having nice things? Absolutely not. What I am against is their desperate attempt to take the central place that belongs to God, and the high success rate they seem to have amongst His followers. He came to set us free from all this. And you know you are free when you look at everything and everyone around you and realise that if something or someone would be taken away from you, you could carry on living and following God. If however, the thought of losing something or someone throws you into a black hole and turns God into the Punisher, I believe you are not free no matter what you tell yourself.

The freedom that He came to bring has no fear in it, of anything. It's pure joy in its essence and its foundation is as unshakable and eternal as God Himself. Because when you no longer hold on to this world, this world can no longer have a hold on you.

Confidence

"I will change your name. You will no longer be called wounded, outcast lonely or afraid. I will change your name. Your new shall be Confidence, Joyfulness, Overcoming One, Faithfulness, Friend of God, The one who seeks My Face."

"Since we are justified (acquitted, declared righteous, and given a right standing with God) through faith, let us [grasp the fact that we] have [the peace of reconciliation to hold and to enjoy] peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One). Romans 5:1, Amplified Bible

Those around me call me assertive and confident because people do not intimidate me. But is that the confidence that Abba talks about? I think He wants to build the kind of confidence in us that can't be moved or wavered.

This world is constantly changing and we are changing with it and as such the roots of our confidence must be planted in something far more permanent than this world or ourselves. I am not even going to comment on how perishable this world is, I have one word for it- dust.
It is good to be able to pick yourself up and not be easily shaken, but what guarantee do you have that a day won't come along when you won't be able to pick yourself up, when a shock with the magnitude of an earthquake would hit you and you would just stay there not knowing what to do with yourself?

What does it mean to be justified, acquitted? I think the only way we could fully understand what it means would be to find ourselves one day in court with an accusation hanging over our heads. We would fully understand the joy and the peace of being acquitted when the judge's hammer would hit his desk and we would hear "not guilty". That's us before God, every time we do something stupid and we ask for forgiveness, the whole heaven hears the sentence "not guilty!"
The trouble with us is that we didn't have to stay in court for our stupid things, sweating and shacking with the accusation hanging over our heads. Jesus stood there in our place. And because we didn't pay the price, we seem to forget that amazing feeling "I can breath again" an acquitted person feels.

What is true confidence? I believe it is "grasping the fact that we] have [the peace of reconciliation to hold and to enjoy] peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ".
You face the judge with a completely different attitude after you heard the hammer hitting his desk, declaring "not guilty". You can almost start a conversation about the whether or last Saturday's football game, because you are a free man and the pressure of the accusation is no longer hanging between the two of you.
This is what gives me confidence and joy. To me it is as if God decided one day nine years ago" OK, My girl lets remove all this from between us, so that we can actually begin to have a relationship. Do you believe I am your Redeemer, Emma, and I want you to truly live free from all this?" I said yes and it all started. And this Confidence will keep me standing at the end when I will face Him, because my confidence is based on His ability to remove any hindrance from between us, His ability to make me stand tall.

"Who shall bring any charge against God's elect [when it is] God Who justifies [that is, Who puts us in right relation to Himself? Who shall come forward and accuse or impeach those whom God has chosen? Will God, Who acquits us?] Who is there to condemn [us]? Will Christ Jesus (the Messiah), Who died, or rather Who was raised from the dead, Who is at the right hand of God actually pleading as He intercedes for us? Who shall ever separate us from Christ's love?" Romans 8:33-35a

I will change your name

"If you don't go all the way with me, through thick and thin you don't deserve me. If your first concern is to look after yourself, you'll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you'll find both yourself and me." Matthew 10:38-39, The Message



I haven't written for a while now due to very practical reasons I'm afraid:-) some of them better than others. I have some problems with the internet so I can only connect through my phone:-(
I also work many hours overtime so I am exhausted most of the time, and then I had my sister and my future sister-in-law, Sanda, over here for a week so those were good times. What matters though is that I had my Adonai close through the good and the bad, as always.
In these last few weeks, I had a lot on my heart three things that keep repeating, so I will "dissect" here all my findings and you are welcomed to share your thoughts as well. My three things are the song above, which is a song very close to my heart for a few years now and which seems to "haunt" me a lot lately. Then it's the idea of identity and names and the power that they can have over all our life's domains. And the last thing that I keep focusing on is Romans 5:1-5.

We all love the idea of a fresh start once in a while and that is what Yeshua gave us wherever it is He met us- a fresh start "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come." (2 Corinthians 5:17)
But we don't always feel like we got a fresh start, there is always the old me with my actions and reactions, with my old battles... And the old me doesn't seem to want to budge.
I find great comfort in apostle Peter, because I identify a lot with him, as I'm sure many others do. When it comes to Peter, one of the great moments for me, is when Jesus changes his name. He used to be Simon (in Hebrew "one who hears, one who listens, one who obeys"). But that didn't work too well for Simon, because many times he used to speak before thinking or before listening. He was impulsive and what Brits tend to call "a mouth". However, when Yeshua is asking His disciples "Who do you say I am?", God uses this Mouth to declare "“You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” (Matthew 16:16)
And as a result Yeshua tells him: "And I tell you that you are Peter (Rock) and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades (realm of dead) will not overcome it." (Matthew 16:18)
Yeshua changed his name to exactly the opposite of whatever Simon was before. He used to be impulsive, unstable and with a temper. God changed his name to the most stable unmovable thing there is in the created world- a rock. When Peter realised who Yeshua was, he not only found Yeshua he found his true self. The environment you're in and the people you came across throughout your life, might make you think you are someone you don't particularly like. But that doesn't mean that is the real you. The real you is the one God created and the only place you will find yourself is where He is.

I also love to read Revelations, chapters 2 and 3. They pick me up because they take my eyes from here and put them on the prize. If you read the rewards described in these two chapters the majority of them have to do with names, because names matter to God. They represent identity and destiny and have the power to lift your head up and make you say "NO. I won't bow down and I won't yield because I'm a child of God."

If you feel tired right now, whether it is in your spirit or in your body (like me:-)) and you find yourself not living to the best version of you, take courage. He will change your name and whatever it is that now brings you down and could be classed as your weakness will become your strength. My weakness has always been my emotions. I feel things with an intensity that sometimes exhausts me. That's why I take the song above as my own personal promise "I will change your name. You will no longer be called wounded, outcast, lonely or afraid. I will change your name. Your new name shall be Confidence, Joyfulness, Overcoming One, Faithfulness, Friend of God, The One who seeks My Face." And I see God making me become all this because I refuse to give up.

Emanuela

My God given right

“I call heaven and earth to witness this day against you that I have set before you life and death, the blessings and the curses; therefore choose life, that you and your descendants may live” (Deuteronomy 30:19)

“Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry” (Psalm 34:12-15 and Peter also quoted it in 1Peter 3:10-12)

I had to do some soul searching the last two days, and in a specific area of my life I discovered deep at the bottom there was fear. This fear motivated every decision, thought, action, attitude in that specific are of my life.

If in anything I do, my foundation is not God, there’s no point for me to carry on building, because it will either all crumble to the ground here, or it will be burnt under His eyes, when I get to finally see Him. (1 Corinthians 3:11-15)

I am an eternal creature. My body dies but I- the sould never will. So why would I want to spend my days building something that has not got an eternal foundation. Do I take anything with me from here which is not eternal?

God Gave us free will, this desire to be free to choose. If anyone would tell us at any point that we no longer have it, we would fight to keep it, because we understand and we know that this is a God given right- a gift. God loves our free will, and we bring joy to His heart when we use it to choose good, because He knows we can always opt not to do that.

He wants us to seek His Face, to seek His guidance in all the aspects of our lives, to put His Word in our hearts and get to know Him, but there comes a day when He wants us to use all these “tools” and choose, make a decision. If we sit there and wait for Him to choose for us, why did He even give us free will? Do we need it?

Philip Yancey talks about the difference between approaching God in a childish or a childlike manner. By childish we understand someone who can’t tie his own shoe laces, whom can’t be trusted with any kind of responsibility. Childlike, is what Yeshua meant when He told us that we have to be like children in order to inherit the Kingdom of Heaven- full of trust.

If all I do is wait for God to make decisions in my place, I personally think is a way of avoiding the responsibility of my own choice. If I say God took me to a certain place and I don’t like it there, then I can blame God for it, because after all He’s the one who brought me there, all I’ve done was follow, right? But if I am the one who chooses, then I have only me to blame and that’s hard to carry. “Yeah, but if I am the one who chooses then where do I get to see His grace, His mercy, His guidance, where do I get to use my trust in Him?”

Lets say I have to make a decision about something. I walk with God everyday, I think I know His character (a little bit at least), I read His Word, I pray, I fast and I seek His will for that specific situation. The time comes for me to give an answer/ make a decision and I still can’t say 100% I know what I’m suppose to do. I get to use my faith and prove my trust in God, when I take the step and I believe He will bless my step. That very moment is when, even though I am a bit nervous, I feel peace and trust, because I know that not even for a second do I step alone. I believe He loves me enough to sustain me every day of my life. And if the step I happened to take proves not to be the best one, it’s all part of the lesson called life, and I have within my grasp His mercy and His grace which can turn any bad thing for good.

Many times I will choose well and the result will not be good for me. This doesn’t mean that I didn’t choose good, it just means that I live in a world a bit alien to the things of God, which most of the time stands against the things I stand for. Therefore trouble is part of the journey, as Yeshua already warned us.

I think there are two ways a human can relate to God- as a child or as an adult. There seem to be three phases in the human life- childhood, adulthood and parenthood. We will never be God’s “parents”- so we only have two options left. My friend, Tina, sent me a song yesterday. The lyrics were “Dancing with my Father God in fields of grace.” I love that thought, because this is something I could never do with my earthly father. I feel many times I’m relating to God as a child and I absolutely cherish that feeling of comfort, safety- like nothing in this universe can touch me- pure joy…but I want more than that. I want more than feelings. I want God to speak to me. To be able to tell me anything He wishes, because I will not turn my back and I will not run away or rebel. In short, I want God to be able to trust me not to take off whenever things are hard, because I don’t like it. I would love to be an adult in God with the joy of a child. I want to use this free will that He gave me and choose good, choose to bless, seek peace and chase it. And at the end when I’ll stand before Him and He will ask me “What have you done with your life, Emma?” to be able to tell Him. “I waisted a lot of it, Adonai sheli. I rebelled, I fought You, I fell and I ran away, but a day came along when I began to use all that You’ve given me and I chose good and life For Your Name’s sake.”

I come from a very much Christian background, the sort of Christian background where you just do it, you don’t ask questions. I am very familiar with the doctrine “God must live through me,” and in its true biblical sense, I love this idea. It seems to have its main foundation on apostle Paul’s letter to Galatians: “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!(Galatians 2:20-21)

All over his letters to the churches he planted, apostle Paul talks about a life which has its roots in God’s Spirit, where I no longer do the things I used to do- “works of the flesh” but instead for the sake of the One who sacrificed everything for me, I choose good, blessing, life- “the works of the Spirit”. He does not tell us we are dead. He actually says ”The life I live in the body, I live by faith”. That implies I am still alive and kicking, not paralysed in one place not doing anything or making any choices.

What has been crucified with Christ? What is it that’s dead? The old Emma- the Emma that lived only for her own desires. Nowhere do I find these verses telling me I no longer exist, they actually tell me I am alive but I don’t live for myself anymore, I live for Yeshua, trusting completely in what He did for me. And I do not live this life trying to impress Him or gain His approval. I simply live everyday for His sake, seeking to choose good rather than evil.

“Stop doing wrong, learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.” (Isaiah 1:16b-17)

We all live and make choices every single day. The difference between me and those who do not believe in God, is that I live and choose out of love for God, they live and choose for their own sake.

A God nearby- A God far away

"Am I only a God nearby," declares the LORD, "and not a God far away? Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see him?" declares the LORD. "Do not I fill heaven and earth?" declares the LORD." (Jeremiah 23:23-24)

"Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God"? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom." (Isaiah 40:27-28)

I had such an amazing week. It felt as if God sat me down after listening to weeks of my moaning and begging and complaining, the same way a parent sits his child down and asks "Ok, lets see why is this such a big deal?" I feel like someone who was out cold and just woke up and remembered her life. I understood this week that sometimes you can tell yourself you're looking for God but instead only look for an way out of your troubles. That if you take your eyes of the Almighty One of Israel and start to look at Him through the perspective of what you can do, it is very easy to end up in a place where your God is about your size and your problems are bigger than you both.

God is personal. What do I mean by that? He is Yeshua taking a body to be close to us and understand what it means for your eyes to grow tired, your back to hurt and your stomach to feel hungry. He is the One who comes and kneels by your side on an old dirty road where you crashed and can't stand up again. He is the One who puts His forehead on yours so that you would know it's not the end and you are not alone. But if I only see Him this way, as a God nearby, sometimes my human mind might forget that at the same time He is El Shaddai (The Almighty One), El Elyon (The Most High God), Yeshua HaMalech (Jesus, The King)
I might forget that I'm on the winning side here. That there's no need for me to win the battle all over again, that I already won it the minute I believe it and start acting as an overcomer. The battle is in my mind and if I believe Him and start acting as such, there is no one in this universe who can reduce me to a victim.
He remains the same, unchanged by my emotions, reactions, circumstances and failures. He knows when to be a God nearby, Yeshua, my friend who joins His palm with mine to give me strength, and when to be a God far away- The Almighty One, whom I can't comprehend with my mind or contain with the palm of my hand. He is The God "who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, and marked off the heavens with the breadth of his hand" (Isaiah 40:12)
Some days I think my efforts to understand Him are futile when I try to understand the magnitude and awesomeness of His Persona, but then I look at Yeshua and I see once again He wants to be known just as much as I want to know Him.

Something else I realised this week was how silly I am when I try to hide from my God. Why would you want to hide from Him? It's a natural human reaction when you "take a look" at the King. Isaiah, the prophet, thought he will die (Isaiah 6:5) John, the apostle, fell to the ground (Revelation 1:17). I want to hide, because for a split second I understand I should be dead, but for Yeashua's love. I feel so unworthy and inadequate that I would like to disappear, so I hide. But to hide from your God no matter how you feel, is just as silly as a child sitting in the middle of a group under the strong impression nobody can see him just because he covered his eyes.

And in the same way, I can't hide from Him, my cause is not hidden from Him. He has not disregarded my dreams or forgot the desires of my heart. "His understanding no one can fathom". It's not futile to want to understand Him or His character "I have not said to Jacob's descendants "Seek Me in vain" (Isaiah 49:23)
What is futile though, is to try to guess how He is going to work or His timing. It will never be as I imagine. This Monday, I thought it was too late for Him to help us. He proved to me once again that my 12 o'clock is not 12 o'clock for a timeless God. He made that person write a cheque for £250 at least two days before I thought it was too late. He began to help me, before I even started to get scared and panic, just as He promised "And it shall be that before they call I will answer; and while they are yet speaking I will hear. " (Isaiah 65:24)

What a God! And how happy I am to be His:-)

When God takes notice

"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him" (Matthew 7:11)

Today, I had an amazing experience which I want to share with you all, because I want to thank Him publicly for being such a faithful God. Daniel and I had to deal with a bill which we couldn't afford to pay. The bill was £200 and had to leave our account today. We prayed and we hoped for something to happen, but a big part of us was doubting and being worried (as you do). I asked my friend, Tina to pray for us as well and she sent me the verse above by text reminding me of a conversation we had Saturday about how Abba (Hebrew for daddy) is not as our earthly fathers. As kind and good as they might be, they sometimes disappoint us, but Abba never will.
I had a hard day at work because on top of my work I tried not to think about the bill. At noon, Daniel called me to tell me a cheque has arrived through the post for £250 from someone who wanted to thank him for doing a good job on an album.

I feel in awe and ashamed, humbled and loved...I wanted to thank Him somehow. I thought "My words are not good enough. I'll thank you with some of King David's words since you loved his songs so much." But on my way to the Psalms, my eyes fell randomly on Job 19. I decided to read the whole chapter. It's very vivid, it's all human emotion lashing out at God because its afraid, confused and does not understand. You can almost feel Job's despair, hear his groans, see his tears:
"Pity me, pity me, O you my friends, for the hand of God has struck me. Why do you persecute me as God does, and are not satisfied with my flesh? Oh that my words were written! Oh that they were inscribed in a book! That with an iron stylus and lead they were engraved in the rock forever" Job 19:21-24

When I finished reading these verses, I almost wanted to say "And God granted him his wish!", because thousands of years after Job, I was reading his words in a book. For me the book of Job is like a trial where the prosecution and defense present their cases. In the beginning of the book, you might think Job is the one being judged, that God somehow is playing Job's life in some sort of a dice game. But by the time you finish this book, you realise God was the one being judged. It doesn't matter how many stupid, untrue, unkind things come out of Job's mouth in his suffering and despair, because he asked, God made sure all of Job's words were recorded in a book forever, just because Job wanted this. Is like God didn't even care about His reputation, he granted Job the desire of his heart with the risk of providing ammunition for millions and billions which came after Job and used Job's words against God, to misrepresent Him. In the end God came and defended Job when his friends criticised him and gave Job back far more than what was taken from him: "The LORD blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning" (Job 42:12)

I knew this. What I didn't realise before was the power of a request before God when you refuse to believe he will give up on you. This is what Job declared after he asked for his words to be written in a book: "I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes—I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!" (Job 19:25-27)

I've learnt today something new about God. First, if He doesn't care about His own reputation when it comes to one of our requests, how much more will He not take care of our needs? And second, what I class as 12th hour might not be 12 by God's clock.

I want to thank Him for being my Abba, my Shepherd who takes care of all my needs. And I want to thank Tina for being my big sister today. You cried with me and at the end of the day you laughed with me, like two soldiers who had a good day on the battlefield. May the Lord God of Israel bless you for your love and reward you as only He knows.

"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" (Romans 8:32)

My colleague, Karen asked me today to ask God to help us win the lottery. I told her I did. She said I should insist (I think Karen is fed up with shopping at Tesco:-)) Karen then said that it would be nice not to have the worry about money anymore. Yeah, it would be nice, but as I told Karen, there are certain things I could never learn if God would hand me the winning lottery ticket (don't worry, Karen, I'll carry on praying). And today's lessons are precious to me. Money can be taken away from me, but I will never forget that on this day I've asked again for my Shepherd to meet my needs and He did.

Adonai Ro'i Lo Echsar- The Lord is my Shepherd!

Today, I just want to thank Him for being my Shepherd. These days I seem to re-discover little treasures I forgot I had, such as Psalm 23 or such as this amazing joy that springs in me for no reason and from no outside source- this joy of knowing that I am His and that He is taking care of me. I feel safe and secure and so protected, like you feel when you end up in a warm soft blanket after you've been in the cold. I've been through some difficult days which felt like they worn me out. I asked Him "Restore in me the joy of Your salvation. I want my heart to remember how happy it feels in knowing I am loved by You." This is the result. "Those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength...Even young men stumble and fall...But those who wait upon the Lord..."
I don't know what's around the corner, but I will fear no evil. Whatever comes from You will comfort me, whatever I must go through will strengthen me. I will fear no evil for You are with me.
Toda raba, Adonai sheli, my warm blanket, my safe embrace, my refuge and my strength.







And I could not help myself. Check out this little sweetie. I love her eyes when she says "Surely?"



Amen, Zoei, "I shall not be in want...tah nah nah nah nah!"

I am a Christian, please don't hold me accountable

Yesterday, I was speaking with my sister. As always she asked me how I've been. I told her there were days I wanted to run somewhere and forget about this world, and other days when I felt like nothing can faze me. She told me "It's called life". Yeap, it is, but how do I react to it? I was looking for some pictures on Google and I came across a picture with a slogan written on a T-shirt: "I am a Christian. Please hold me accountable." To say that the slogan bugged me is an understatement. Why? Because, in my bad days (which seem to be many lately), I hope to God nobody holds me accountable on the basis that I am a Christian. If I ever came across on this blog as being someone who has it all sorted, that was never my intention. I write what I learn. Sometimes an article might be my thoughts after the first lesson. All I do is share my journey. I wish there would be more of us doing it, because as vulnerable as it makes you feel, it teaches you a great lesson- be real and say it as it is, one other soul in this world is bound to be in the same place and they will feel less lonely.

"Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven. " (Matthew 5:14-16, The Message)

He put His light in me and I'll shine it the best I can. If in some days I won't be a lighthouse, well then, I guess its the risk He took with me. All I can do is the best I can and in rest I'll keep on looking at Him and learn.
This has been a bit of a crazy year for me, If I would've known there would be so many storms, I would have invested in a raincoat:-) But it's childish to blame the storms for your reactions, this much I've learnt from the Son of God.
For weeks now my lesson is "Be still", all I come across is "in quietness and trust is your strength" (Isaiah 30:15)
So, I had a look at how The Son of God handled storms:

"Then Jesus got into the boat and started across the lake with his disciples. Suddenly, a fierce storm struck the lake, with waves breaking into the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him up, shouting, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”Jesus responded, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” Then he got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm." Matthew 8:23-27
I won't even comment on the fact that in the middle of the storm He was sleeping. I mean that in itself says it all. But what got my attention in this paragraph is the way He deals with the storm almost in bullet points. All the disciples see is the desperate situation they found themselves in (note to self, Emma) "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" Yeshua however, doesn't comment on the storm nor on the waves breaking into the boat threatening to drown them. He comments first on their fear and then on their lack of faith.
Scenario: Storm comes, you "observe" the effects with all your five senses and as a result give into fear. Fear paralyses your faith and stops you from thinking you could have any other possible reaction to that storm but complete panic. As a result the storm controls you. That's what He tried to show us: "Look, Emma, I didn't say they won't come. As a matter of fact I warned you they will, but your strength (or lack of it) will lay in how you react to the storms."

Then He stood up and pretty much told to storm to "Shut up!" and suddenly there was a great calm. Because of His attitude in front of the storm, He had the power to control the storm, the storm never had the power to control Yeshua. "Yeah, but He was God and I am only human" True, but He was also man and He had to make choices. The thing is, I can't "blame" His divinity in this. If I would be tempted to, six chapters later Peter shows me what happens if you hang in there. I might sound funny but I am convinced that by storm 500, Peter would've strolled on those waters. The point I guess, is don't quit just because you sink the first or second time and if you happen to see someone sinking don't judge them by their sinking, you never know, perhaps that person is the only one out of the whole boat who had the guts to try.

"About three o’clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. When the disciples saw him walking on the water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out, “It’s a ghost!”But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!”Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”“Yes, come,” Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?” (Matthew 14:25-31)

"Yeah, Emma, but Peter drowned as well" Yes, he did but that's besides the point, what matters is that he trusted for as long or as little as he did and for that he walked with God in a way you and I don't. Peter seemed to remember something from the last encounter with the wind and the sea "My Master can do anything" so he comes up with the craziest idea of them all "make me walk on water". Yeshua as always when seeing a glimpse of faith seems to be thrilled "Yes, come". And for a brief moment the fully human Peter defied the laws of physics, until his humanity took over and he started to sink. What remained with me again is the fact that Yeshua doesn't say to Peter "you had so little faith in yourself, you should've tried harder" He simply says "Why did you doubt Me, Peter?"

"Why do you doubt Me, Emma? Who told the last storm to "shut up" when it came against you?"

Both Yeshua and Peter teach me there are only two reactions in front of storms- quietness and trust. I sometimes lose it when the storm comes, because I forget He is there. It's all so loud and scary that I forget who told my last storm to "shut up!" And when I lose sight of Him, there's not really much left of Emma. There's only one thing I can be held accountable for- quiting. In rest yes, I am a Christian but please don't hold me accountable.

Emma