Just be yourself

"When you try to be someone else, you have a double failure: First, you can't succeed in being the other person, because you lack the emotional, intellectual, physical, and spiritual tools that Hashem gave to that person. Second, when you attempt to be someone you're not, you fail to develop and to utilize your own unique Heaven-imbued attributes and skills...the daughter of The King beats the classroom queen any day of the week." Rabbi Lazer Brody

I heard once a story which has stuck with me through the years. A talmid goes to his rabbi and asks him: "Rabbi, teach me what should be my attitude towards those who judge me?" Rabbi says to him: "Son, go to that grave over there and you tell that grave the worst things that you could think about it." The talmid goes to the grave and for many hours he shouts the worst that he could think of, not understanding why on earth the rabbi sent him there. He goes again to the rabbi the next day and asks him: "Rabbi, how about my attitude towards the ones who praise me?" The rabbi says again: "Son, go to that grave over there and tell the grave the most beautiful words you can think of." The talmid goes again to grave, seriously questioning why would the rabbi ask him to go to a grave to learn something, and starts saying the best he could think of about the grave. The next day he goes to the rabbi and says: "Rabbi, I know you sent me to the grave over there to learn, but I didn't learn to much? Why have you sent me there?" The rabbi answered: "Son, I sent you to the grave so that you will learn to have the same attitude towards the people who judge you or praise you. Did the grave have any reactions to your judging or your praising? You be as silent as a grave."

The story is funny in a way, but very true. How many times does people's opinion about us shape who we are and how we act. There seems to be a deep desire in us for acceptance, for fitting in, for not being the odd one in the crowd, but what is the price we end up paying for this? In my case it was my own personality. After I moved to England I wanted so badly to fit in, to be accepted that I started copying their lifestyle, the way they would interact, the way they would speak and so forth. English are very polite people, they are so polite that they rather tell you many white lies and go around the bush until they get dizzy, rather than be considered rude or offensive. In a way I love this about them, I even find it endearing sometimes, but it suffocated the Romanian in me. And I am Romanian. If I was to describe the Romanians to you, they would be the exact opposite. Romanians tell you to your face exactly how things are, and if you don't like it, tough. They are what English will call blunt, and what I would call real. So every time I would leave Romania, I would abandon that Emma at the airport in order that I may fit in the British society and not feel like "an Englishman in New York":-)

Needless to say, you lose yourself if you do this. I will never be English because I am not meant to be one, so if I do not allow myself to be Romanian than what am I?

It was a great day when I understood, that I can be myself and still be accepted. I am not saying some people don't think I am too blunt, but that's who I am and I love it. My friend Lucy, posted a great quote on Facebook one day. It said: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those that matter won't mind and those that mind won't matter." This is not to say, step over other people's feelings and thoughts only because that's how you feel. That's not realness, that's selfishness and it doesn't have anything to do with our God. I am just saying, what makes us precious is our uniqueness. If we all imitate each other only to be accepted and not be judged than we are something God did not create, we're just something this world managed to mutilate. Children are my teachers in matters of realness. They are just themselves because they don't know how to be someone else. They are beautiful and unique and refreshing.

That's how I want to be. My focus is to be pleasing to God and He said He wants us to be like children- trusting and real. I know that if my heart speaks before the throne of God in heaven, He will speak for me before the sons of men. It's not my business to justify myself or impress anybody. I am just me and I belong to God, and I love the freedom this brought in my life. I am free to love people as they are and not be defensive. After all, they only try to be themselves, just as I do.

"How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you." (Psalm 31:19)

Be blessed and remember the greatest favour you can do to this world is do your best at being yourself.

Emanuela