Don't give up!

"I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining towards what lies ahead, I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenwards in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:12b-14)

I love this verse. For me it's like Paul's declaration: "You wanna know why I do all this, why I endure all this?..." And though I read it so many times, it took me a while until I finally got it. I came to understand it by asking myself many questions. Such as: Why do you wanna go to Heaven? What price are you ready to pay for it? What would stop you?

I met and read about so many "disappointed" with God that I wanted to know if I would ever get to a point where I would feel that way and what would bring me to such a place. What's my weak link, if you want? So I took a good hard look at my life as a follower. When do I fall, why do I fall? What's the last thought that goes through my head before I mess up? And after I mess up what keeps me there? How long does it take me until I pick myself up again and carry on?

In my case, it was habits. I didn't look at them as habits I need to get rid of, I thought they were me. I truly believe there is an image of Emanuela, somewhere on God's heart and that's who I am. Whatever else I think I am, it's due to my life on this earth so far, and in the same way I learnt to do that, I can learn to get rid of it. So that's what made me mess up and still does.

What keeps me there? That was simple- guilt. We find ourselves loved all of the sudden without having paid any price at all, so when we disconsider that love and our eyes are open, it hurts big time. As I said in my previous post, I expected Him to leave each time. I would've. He didn't.
Guilt is designed to stop us. Because if we can be stopped long enough in one place without daring to approach God, we won't be there for long- we will go lower and lower and lower until God becomes a distant thought and a faded memory. I don't allow guilt in my life anymore. If I mess up, I confess it and move on. The minute I say "I am sorry", it's past and lays behind me. (1 John 1:9; Isaiah 43:25; Isaiah 54:17; Isaiah 50:8-9; Romans 8:33-34)
When I do this it doesn't take long until I am back on my feet carrying on. Paul realised this would have been his greatest impediment, considering all he did before he found Yeshua, all the Christians he imprisoned, persecuted and took to their death. So he decided guilt is not for him: "One thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining towards what lies ahead..."

There is something I tell myself every time it's gets tough: "He didn't give up for my sake, I will not give up for His sake." It's the strongest thing you could ever tell Emanuela: "Don't give up, Em!" It picks me up straight away, because I know why I want to go to Heaven. It's not because it's this perfect pink and purple world:-) with no tears and no death. It's because of Him, because I'll always have Him there. Nothing mundane such as going to work and doing laundry will take me from His presence.

He will never give up on us, ever! So the only way we can't be with Him is to give up, to say "this is not for me, it's to hard, I've had it". If you carry on no matter what, you already won because you can't be stopped. Hell knows that, and Heaven knows that. It's an amazing day when you understand that. On that day you become, overcoming one and you keep this name for as long as you don't give up!

"I will change your name. You will no longer be called wounded, outcast, lonely or afraid. I will change your name. Your new name shall be Confidence, Joyfulness, Overcoming One, Faithfulness, Friend of God, the One who Seeks My Face."

May you always stand and keep standing.

Emanuela