"Where your treasure is..."

"Don't wear yourself out trying to get rich; restrain yourself!" (Proverbs 23:4)

"God Almighty will be your treasure, more wealth than you can imagine. You'll take delight in God, the Mighty One, and look to him joyfully, boldly. You'll pray to him and he'll listen;he'll help you do what you've promised." (Job 22:25-27)

"One day, you will understand that it was worth it. That the day called "I can't anymore" never existed in the first place" (Emma's journal- October 2003)

Yesterday, I posted a comment to the Facebook status of my friend and brother, Tim. He posted a funny comment on how he has lessons to learn but he felt dumb as a bag of hammers (comment from a movie). There were certain comments "admonishing" him, on how he should read Romans 8 and pretty much pull himself together:-) The comments were made as a joke as well.
I told Tim how, even if the status wouldn't be a joke and he would mean it, he is entitled (as we are all) to days when he doesn't feel "fantastic, timtastic, bombastic" (used with Tim's permission:-))))). That there are days when perhaps no amount of Scripture would do anything on that day. That the Scripture will however pick us up when we are ready to move on. That I believe, God allows us to have days like those, without thinking we dismiss any of the gifts that He gave us.

Well, today I came to be tested in what I said. I am not an optimist by nature or a happy personality (as oppose to Tim, who is the one of the happiest characters I met in all my life). I don't know if it's my personality or whether my past experiences made me this way. The point is, every single day I have to wake up early, encourage myself in my God and remind my heart who I am, why I am here and where I am going. I learnt that if I don't do this I'm in trouble that day. Today was different, though. I had thoughts that completely dishearten me "You're 30. You don't have the career you could have, you don't earn the money you could earn. You don't have children, you don't have a mortgage, you don't even drive, for crying out loud. And don't tell yourself "I live for the Lord". Where's your ministry (whatever that means)? What exactly are you doing?" I could feel the tears coming... And they came. But I sat there in silence. I knew I will be defended. And I was. I didn't have to go to Romans 8 (thanks, Phil:-)), Romans 8 came to me:

"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?... No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:31-25, 37-39)

I know how old I am and I'm fine with that. The career and the money and the mortgage are not my priority. I truly believe the verses above from Proverbs and Job. And it's not even blind faith. I saw the lives of people who chased those things. No, thank you. And I also know my life. I am never happier than when I spend time with my Bible looking for my Treasure. I know people and the standards of this world put pressure on us. Sadly, if you tell someone "God is the Blessing of my life", they tend to believe you a lot faster is you have money and success, than if they would look at your life and see the changes in you. I can't do anything about that. All I can do is carry on slowly learning not to be bothered when I am analysed from that perspective.

About "my ministry"...I know where my heart is- His children. I want to encourage His Church in whatever way He will guide me. I want to remind His sons and daughters when they bow their heads who they are, why they are here and where they are going. Always, always bring their eyes back to "the hope that never disappoints or deludes or shames us" (Romans 5:4-5). Those who say gambling is a sin bring a smile on my face. Who else but Christians are the greatest gamblers? We bet everything that we are on seeing His Face one day. And He will not disappoint us.
Now if this desire that's on my heart will ever have a logo, a website and a letterhead or not, I am not too bothered. He brought me from another country in this place, to speak a language that is not my own up to the point I no longer dream in my own language. It costs me something to be here and He knows it. He sees every time I want to run back to my people and I tell my heart to stand still. If I know something is that you never ever give up anything for God's sake without receiving it back a hundred times. It might not be what you expected but you will know it was worth it.

His Emma.