Yesterday, I was speaking with my sister. As always she asked me how I've been. I told her there were days I wanted to run somewhere and forget about this world, and other days when I felt like nothing can faze me. She told me "It's called life". Yeap, it is, but how do I react to it? I was looking for some pictures on Google and I came across a picture with a slogan written on a T-shirt: "I am a Christian. Please hold me accountable." To say that the slogan bugged me is an understatement. Why? Because, in my bad days (which seem to be many lately), I hope to God nobody holds me accountable on the basis that I am a Christian. If I ever came across on this blog as being someone who has it all sorted, that was never my intention. I write what I learn. Sometimes an article might be my thoughts after the first lesson. All I do is share my journey. I wish there would be more of us doing it, because as vulnerable as it makes you feel, it teaches you a great lesson- be real and say it as it is, one other soul in this world is bound to be in the same place and they will feel less lonely.
"Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven. " (Matthew 5:14-16, The Message)
He put His light in me and I'll shine it the best I can. If in some days I won't be a lighthouse, well then, I guess its the risk He took with me. All I can do is the best I can and in rest I'll keep on looking at Him and learn.
This has been a bit of a crazy year for me, If I would've known there would be so many storms, I would have invested in a raincoat:-) But it's childish to blame the storms for your reactions, this much I've learnt from the Son of God.
For weeks now my lesson is "Be still", all I come across is "in quietness and trust is your strength" (Isaiah 30:15)
So, I had a look at how The Son of God handled storms:
"Then Jesus got into the boat and started across the lake with his disciples. Suddenly, a fierce storm struck the lake, with waves breaking into the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him up, shouting, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”Jesus responded, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” Then he got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm." Matthew 8:23-27
I won't even comment on the fact that in the middle of the storm He was sleeping. I mean that in itself says it all. But what got my attention in this paragraph is the way He deals with the storm almost in bullet points. All the disciples see is the desperate situation they found themselves in (note to self, Emma) "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" Yeshua however, doesn't comment on the storm nor on the waves breaking into the boat threatening to drown them. He comments first on their fear and then on their lack of faith.
Scenario: Storm comes, you "observe" the effects with all your five senses and as a result give into fear. Fear paralyses your faith and stops you from thinking you could have any other possible reaction to that storm but complete panic. As a result the storm controls you. That's what He tried to show us: "Look, Emma, I didn't say they won't come. As a matter of fact I warned you they will, but your strength (or lack of it) will lay in how you react to the storms."
Then He stood up and pretty much told to storm to "Shut up!" and suddenly there was a great calm. Because of His attitude in front of the storm, He had the power to control the storm, the storm never had the power to control Yeshua. "Yeah, but He was God and I am only human" True, but He was also man and He had to make choices. The thing is, I can't "blame" His divinity in this. If I would be tempted to, six chapters later Peter shows me what happens if you hang in there. I might sound funny but I am convinced that by storm 500, Peter would've strolled on those waters. The point I guess, is don't quit just because you sink the first or second time and if you happen to see someone sinking don't judge them by their sinking, you never know, perhaps that person is the only one out of the whole boat who had the guts to try.
"About three o’clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. When the disciples saw him walking on the water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out, “It’s a ghost!”But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!”Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”“Yes, come,” Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?” (Matthew 14:25-31)
"Yeah, Emma, but Peter drowned as well" Yes, he did but that's besides the point, what matters is that he trusted for as long or as little as he did and for that he walked with God in a way you and I don't. Peter seemed to remember something from the last encounter with the wind and the sea "My Master can do anything" so he comes up with the craziest idea of them all "make me walk on water". Yeshua as always when seeing a glimpse of faith seems to be thrilled "Yes, come". And for a brief moment the fully human Peter defied the laws of physics, until his humanity took over and he started to sink. What remained with me again is the fact that Yeshua doesn't say to Peter "you had so little faith in yourself, you should've tried harder" He simply says "Why did you doubt Me, Peter?"
"Why do you doubt Me, Emma? Who told the last storm to "shut up" when it came against you?"
Both Yeshua and Peter teach me there are only two reactions in front of storms- quietness and trust. I sometimes lose it when the storm comes, because I forget He is there. It's all so loud and scary that I forget who told my last storm to "shut up!" And when I lose sight of Him, there's not really much left of Emma. There's only one thing I can be held accountable for- quiting. In rest yes, I am a Christian but please don't hold me accountable.
Emma
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